


sunt lacrimae rerum

by angeldescendant



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga), Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: All of them grow up, Badass Eiji, Becomes a romcom on the side, Canon ending deconstruction, Eiji has a potty mouth and doesn't give a damn, Eiji has enough of Ash's melodrama, Eiji takes things in his own hands so Ash won't keep haunting him, Everyone's keen on making Eiji realise his dreams, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gallows Humor, Garden of Light alternate-verse, Ghost!Ash, Ghost!Griffin, Ghost!Shorter, Inspired by New York Sense too, M/M, Shaman!Eiji, Shaman!Max, Shaman!Sing, Timeskip, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, ash and eiji have issues but they're gonna work through it together, shounen training montage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16253042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeldescendant/pseuds/angeldescendant
Summary: Ash comes back as a ghost and Eiji's only half-pleased with the arrangement. Up to GoL!verse/Eiji-centric“He’s a benevolent spirit. He hasn’t done any harm to you or to anyone.”“See?”“Fuck you,” Eiji perfectly enunciated.“I beg your pardon?” the current exorcist, a balding man with a greying beard, raised both eyebrows.“N-No, it’s the spirit! H-He making me say evil words!” he pointed at Ash.“Give me a break. This geezer already said it in layman’s terms to you. I am your guardian angel. I came back to protect you.”“From what? Making my own decisions?”Or, Eiji decides he should stop being a damsel and becomes Ash's knight to rewrite their stars.





	1. Ash came back wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is inspired by Frobisher's final words to Sixsmith in Cloud Atlas before he dies, and is borrowed from Virgil: sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt (They weep here/For how the world goes, and our life that passes/Touches their hearts).

It began at Ash’s death.

 

Eiji was supposed to have sadder thoughts after coming back to New York, his legs still barely functioning when he hears the news from Sing. One, because that asshole didn’t keep his promise of coming to Japan and kicked the bucket to boot. Two, because he dragged Eiji along with him to New York again, just when he said goodbye from the trauma it induced and hoped to see his golden hair within the hallowed streets of Izumo.

 

He chose the biggest tiger lilies he could find and lowered them at Ash’s headstone. He took out the Rihaku sake, a specialty of his prefecture that he wanted Ash to taste when he visited and poured all the contents on his gravestone. There was only his name there, his birth, and date of death.

 

“There. At least you know how it tastes,” Eiji said fumingly and dropped the jar, hoping for it to shatter to spite Ash in the deep annals of the netherworld. Unfortunately, the grass was too thick and soft to grant his wish. “Serves you right for leaving me alone.”

 

He couldn’t even land a good kick on the damn black marbled grave. “I’m not gonna cry. You don’t deserve my tears,” he proclaimed as he folded his arms and kept his eyes fixed on Ash’s name. “Finally taller than you. Suck it.”  

 

_“Don’t say such vulgar words, onii-chan,”_ someone sighed behind him. Eiji screamed when he turned around.

 

\--

Sing, Max, Bones, Kong, and Alex where looking at the empty space Eiji kept pointing at and scratched their heads. It was Max who spoke first. “So, Ash is really there?”

 

“I’ll prove it by exposing my camera!” Eiji said as he revealed his massive canon in front of them and began to film.

 

“Gosh, it’s okay, losing the boss is quite a shock for us too-“ Alex said as Eiji continued to fixate the shutter at Ash’s direction.

 

“I am not losing my head!” Eiji said as he raised his hands at Ash. “He’s really there! I can even hear him complaining about you sneaking in the buffalo wings, Bones.”

 

“So it was you!” Kong glared at him. “I was saving my share!”

 

“H-How the hell did you know ‘bout that?” Bones looked more and more like the toothfairy’s usual customer as his mouth got wider and wider in shock.

 

“I told you, Ash saw you. He told me you took it around four in the morning because no one was going to the bathroom that time-“

 

Ash was sitting in midair, legs crossed as he examined each of the audience’s faces. _“Forget it, Eiji, only you can see me.”_

“You’re real, right?”

 

_“Surreal, objectively speaking,”_ Ash said as he began to poke each of their eyes, translucent fingers passing through like mist. All of them screamed at the chilly sensation.

 

“W-What was that?”

 

“I felt that! Did you close the windows, Sing?”

 

Eiji became a little more confident and puffed out his chest in triumph. “Now you believe me, yes?”

 

_“You do sound like you’re going bonkers, onii-chan.”_

“Shut up Ash!”

 

All of them looked on, nonplussed at the seemingly one-man show Eiji was doing as he wrung an invisible neck to and fro just above him.

 

“Eiji- are you sure it’s not the jetlag or the shock…” Max offered.

 

“Yeah, get some rest,” Sing said, standing up as he led Eiji to bed. “Uh, we can ask Ash to watch over you then.” He turned his head from left to right for Eiji’s sake.

 

_“He doesn’t have to state the obvious. Not like I have anything else better to do…”_

“Why don’t you go and suck that tiny ghostly dick of yours?” Eiji said after Sing closed the door. “I’m still mad at you. I very angry now! Could’ve showed yourself while I was in Japan-” Eiji said. “Then would’ve gone to shrine to pray for your weiner to get bigger…”

 

_“Oh, onii-chan’s scarier than little ghostly me...”_ Ash backed away half-mockingly. _“How do I fend off his scawwy threats-“_

Eiji thought that he would be able to stop hearing Ash’s taunting by wearing earplugs and his eyemask, or at least pretend that it was all a dream when he woke up and did not see a trace of a white shirt and ripped jeans. He then made his way to the kitchen, taking out the salt and pouring it around his bath in small towers before turning on the tap and soaking himself under the heat. He gasped in relief as his thoughts drifted away, wondering what he was doing in New York to open his skeletons again…

 

_“Mind if you scoot over? Wouldn’t want the bath to get too cold on your end.”_

Ash did not bother to drape himself of any dignity as he lowered his feet slowly towards his steamy bath. It slowly began to freeze.

 

“That’s it,” Eiji snapped as he stood up, slamming the door open and heading straight to the phone, ignoring the yells of Sing and Ash’s gang for forgetting to get a towel. He grabbed the yellow pages and began flipping like heaven and hell depended on it. “I’m calling an exorcist.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had this idea for awhile now because Shaman King makes me think of badass Eiji who's more pissed off at Ash for dying on him. Maybe that's his way of grieving too.


	2. Yoh still hasn't appeared yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!

Sing and the rest decided to do something about Eiji’s erratic behaviour and caved in to helping Eiji obtain his much-needed closure. This was after the fifty-sixth time the new exorcist Eiji called, breaking to him the news their Japanese friend dreaded hearing.

 

“He’s a benevolent spirit. He hasn’t done any harm to you or to anyone.”

 

“ _See?”_

 

“Fuck you,” Eiji perfectly enunciated.

 

“I beg your pardon?” the current exorcist, a balding man with a greying beard, raised both eyebrows.

 

“N-No, it’s the spirit! H-He making me say evil words!” he pointed at Ash.

 

“ _Give me a break. This geezer already said it in layman’s terms to you. I am your guardian angel. I came back to protect you._ ”

 

“From what? Making my own decisions?”

 

“ _Your decisions weren’t exactly stellar even pre-post-mortem.”_

“Look who’s talking. Forget who died?”

 

“ _You smug little-_ “

 

“See!” Eiji choked as Ash’s hands clawed at his neck. “He hurt me! Send him back to hell!”

 

“You were fighting with him,” the exorcist keenly examined the marks on Eiji’s neck. “You should try getting along with him. Ask him what he wants.”

 

“He wants me,” Eiji said flatly before turning to Ash, who was covering his face. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I went to the library to do research. You saw it too!”

 

“ _Christ, Eiji. Just send the poor old man back and pay for his taxi. I already told you, I’m not one of those onis you keep insisting with Alex and the rest._ ”

 

“Don’t open your mouth. I am not finished.”

 

“ _Ok then. I’ll just communicate telepathically then_ ,” Ash shrugged, not moving his lips.

 

“Get out of my head,” Eiji muttered.

 

“Do you need me to utter a prayer before I leave?” the priest asked.

 

“No, I need action, not prayer,” Eiji shook his head as he handed him the last of his cash. The rest was paid for the other taxis. He was not keen on losing heart then, even when he knew this was the last from the yellow pages. He really had to resort to Cain’s connections and get back-alley doctors. Sing must have an idea too. Not these priests who are bound by ethical guidelines and dogma. He’ll loan money from either of them or Alex, interest rates be damned.

 

\--

“ _Onii-chan, you’re really ignoring me?_ ”

 

It had been going on Eiji’s mind as well. Why was he so affected by Ash’s reappearance? Why was he still furious when Ash decided to come back? Wasn’t that enough to see him again?

 

“ _Onii-chan? You’re really going to sleep with the light on?”_

 

Ok, he had an idea why.

 

“If you gonna be my guardian angel, shut up and start guarding. Make me feel safe,” Eiji pressed as he seized the pillow and fluffed it again. Ash’s head hovered in front of him then, making him screech in exasperation.

 

 _“Are you scared?”_ he drawled. Despite the translucence, his jade eyes glimmered effortlessly under the faint yellow light.

 

“Yeah. Scared of you giving me false promises again.” Eiji turned to the right, refusing to meet his eyes. “I want to drama. Let me sleep then we’ll decide another way to get rid of you tomorrow. Be thankful you get to exist another day.”

 

“ _Are we really going to keep fighting about this?”_

“Yes. Why do I say sorry? You were the one who decided to come back. You will pay.” He did not know what he should pay with exactly. The thought of having a day without Ash following him around as he took photographs around the metropolis seemed… alright. Not the best thing and it would give him his peace of mind, but it wasn’t exactly the best thing he’d wish for.

 

Eiji did not know exactly what he wanted in return.

 

“ _Fine, you win. Happy? Sleep, little onii-chan. Don’t do that thing in the mornings again._ ”

 

Eiji’s frown disappeared and was replaced with an unquantifiable glee. “Ah, so you hate that?”

 

“Sh-“

 

\--

 

Eiji’s mood lightened up the next morning. He invited Sing, Kong, Bones, and Alex the night before coming to join him for breakfast. Max was preoccupied with family affairs (and the upcoming wedding) to come.

 

“Help yourselves,” Eiji chirped as he gave everyone double helpings of shrimp and avocado salad. The rest looked nervously at each other and then at a grinning Eiji before opening their mouths.

 

“Uhm, Eiji-“

 

“They were his favourite, remember?” he said without missing a beat as he added an extra helping on his plate. “Let’s eat.”

 

Their gazes shifted nervously at the spot in the left that Eiji kept himself fixated at.

 

“Let’s eat. Everyone.”

 

“S-Sorry!”

 

As everyone began shovelling it in their mouths, preferences be damned, Eiji looked at a sulking Ash again. He opened his mouth wide and smile sideways.

 

“How is it?” he asked.

 

“R-Really good!” they said almost in unison.

 

Eiji’s eyes did not leave the benevolent spirit, who was already _thisclose_ to strangling his host.

 

“Really? You like it?” Eiji did not relent looking at death’s poster boy himself.

 

“W-We do!”

 

“You’re not saying that because you don’t want to upset me?”

 

“Uh-“

 

“That’s fine. Just finish your food,” he smiled winningly.

 

Ash flipped him off.

 

“Now we’re even,” Eiji nodded in kind.

 

\--

 

That wasn’t the end. Oh, he was not finished alright. He had to drive this point home as they made their way up the steps of the public library. Smelled the interiors as they made their way past the shelves. Looked at the classic sections. Scoured the Hemingways and Salingers and Derridas and Marquez’s. Passed some works by Arendt and Foucault and de Bouvoir. 

 

“ _I’ve read them all_ ,” Ash said as Eiji began picking books at random and tottered to the desks as he carried them with apparent ease. “ _The librarian will scold you for getting so many._ ”

 

“Ugh, I forgot you book-otaku,” Eiji made a face as he returned every book except one then made his way to the magazines section. “We then get articles they wrote in.”

 

“Idiot, how can you-“ Ash’s eyes shifted as he took various literary magazines with astonishing accuracy.

 

“I did research when you leave to bathroom.”

 

“ _I can’t use the bathroom, what are you talking about?“_

 

“Where you go to then?” Eiji placed all the magazines in front of his table, sat down, and crossed his arms as Ash levitated in front to occupy the seat in front of his.

 

Compared to the usual ghosts that Eiji had read in magazines before, Ash can be solid under direct sunlight. If it wasn’t for the occasional haze that would suddenly blur traces of his hair or his silhouette, Eiji would have believed that Ash never really left the earthly plane.

 

“Nowhere,” Ash deadpanned.

 

“Explain,” Eiji opened his palm. There was a lighter. He nicked it from Alex that morning. He held it at the edge of a _Granta_ cover.

 

“ _You crazy little-“_ Ash’s eyes betrayed the thunder from his voice.

 

“Explain,” Eiji repeated, now flicking the lighter. Ash looked frantically at a librarian passing by with the possibility of Eiji getting banned for life.

 

“ _You know this, don’t you? That I’m stuck with you? I cannot go to places if you’re not there.”_ Jesus, would’ve been better that Ash became a library or Manhattan ghost than an Eiji ghost. Haunting a person who was currently infuriated with him was no fun.

 

“ _It’s hard to explain…”_ Ash hesitated. “ _You can equate it to sleeping. I can decide haunting your dreams too but you won’t like that, would you?”_

Eiji nodded. His lighter, however, still hovered threateningly at the edge of the table. He artfully covered it with his hand when the librarian passed by.

 

“Where did you sit when you die?” he asked.

 

Ash’s cold gaze melted. He couldn’t match Eiji’s gaze and turned his head towards the light-stricken window.

 

“I will do it if you no answer,” Eiji said as he flicked the lighter threateningly.

 

“You’re sitting on it,” Ash said. It was possible to hear an optic nerve breaking through the deafening silence.

 

\--

 

“You could have gotten that travelogue by Garcia-Marquez,” Ash said as Eiji readjusted the camera. They were outside one of the apartments in a street in Brooklyn.

 

“You hold still!” Eiji insisted, tuning out everything else as he clicked. “If you don’t hold still, I won’t open magazine!”

 

That was enough for Eiji to get his third and last take. He beckoned Ash to come with him as they ambled towards the train station.

 

“Could have read travelogue if you did not go to long sleep,” he then said. He will try developing his photos later to prove to Sing and the rest he wasn’t going bonkers.

 

“ _You satisfied now for chastising me?_ ”

 

Eiji was keen on raining hell on him. But only through mutterings. Some of the commuters were now occasionally throwing glances at him. “Never really tell me anything. Keep me guessing on how to work around your issues.”

 

“ _It kept you safe._ ”

 

“It kept me angry,” Eiji snapped, but in quiet tones. He then resumed looking at the darkening skyline as they whizzed through Coney Island. It made him remember the first time he saw what Ash was truly capable of even without his gun. “And frustrated. And feel useless.”

 

“ _You were not-_ “

 

“Don’t go soft words on me. I am older than you. I know when I’m right.”

 

“ _You never opened up to me. The only thing we talked about was Izumo-“_

“You barely even asked,” Eiji fired back. He then hopped off the train. It was only a ten-minute walk. “Always thinking about you. Always about Ash, what you think is best. Never asking me because I outsider. Because you don’t think I can help you carry your burden.”

 

“ _Jesus fucking Christ, Eiji, are we really fighting now? You can’t possibly force yourself to do this all the time.”_

Eiji did not relent. “I will keep doing this until you disappear. If they can’t exorcise you, I’ll do it myself!” He then stormed off, not bothering to look on his shoulder in case Ash surprises him again.

 

\--

 

He thought that would be enough for Ash or his friends in New York to leave him alone. Instead, he returned to a dim room full of candles with a table full of food in the middle. The vegetables with shrimp and orange chicken, as well as the dimsum and pork buns were still hot, steam still simmering upwards lightly. He nearly yelped in surprise when he saw the silhouettes of his friends immersing from the walls.

 

“Hey,” Max raised a hand at his direction. “Brought something that might interest you.” He takes out of his black backpack a dog-eared Ouija board.

 

“So we can talk to Ash too,” Sing said with a hesitant smile.

 

“He’ll probably hate us for eating this without him though,” Bones said airily.

 

“ _Damn right he is. What the fuck is with all this cult shit?”_ Ash also made his appearance on Eiji’s left, scratching his head. “ _It’s like they’re summoning a demonic overlord or something. There’s also that damn incense…_ ”

 

Sing was already burning lavender incense near the door. Ash guffawed. “ _Oh my god, this is hilarious-_ “

 

“Everyone hold hands,” Max then said as he moved the planchette in the middle. “If Ash is really here, then he’ll attempt to communicate with us.”

 

“ _No fucking way_. _I’m leaving._ ”

 

“Let them have their fun!” Eiji said and held Kong’s and Sing’s hands.

 

“Nah, Eiji you should be the one asking questions.”

 

“He’s in my head all day. About time he attempts to contact you,” he insisted.

 

“Fine, I’ll do it,” Max said before the rest can open their mouths to volunteer. “Oh, right, everyone’s hands should at least be on the pointer,” he said as he pointed at the planchette. “Are you there, spirit?”

 

“Just a sec, how are we gonna ask our questions too?” Sing huffed.

 

“You can just tell me and I’ll ask the spirit directly during the séance,” Max yawned. “Let’s try again. O benevolent spirit, are you there?”

 

 _“Hell no,”_ Ash’s hard refusal broke when he met Eiji’s eyes.

 

The planchette did not move. Max asked again.

 

_“Seriously, Eiji, you can just tell them-“_

“Let them have their fun,” Eiji whispered under his breath.

 

Ash sighed as his finger moved beside his. _YES._

“Alright!” Eiji’s friends yelled before shutting up again to calm themselves down. The rest then turned to Max to keep the questions rolling.

 

“What is your name, o benevolent spirit?”

 

“ _You know, I can get used to this,”_ Ash leered as he dictated the planchette. C-H-R-I-S-

 

Max’s face paled as he looked at the C-H-R-I-S-T-O-P-H-E-R being spelled out. The rest looked at each other quizzically.

 

“Wait is this really-“

 

The medium’s eyes seemed to sparkle under the candles before he wiped them. “Jesus, still messing up with the others, you smug little ass-“

 

“You’re not making any sense!” Sing roared before Max could go full Oscar frontrunner however.

 

“Alright, Christopher-“ Max continued to ignore them and turned his focus on the board. Eiji looked at Ash. His mouth was a thin line, but his finger refused to leave the planchette.

 

The ghost noticed. _“The hell are you looking at?”_

 

Eiji shook his head and smiled broadly as Max began to ask his next question. “Do you miss us?”

 

He could feel the planchette getting lighter as everyone’s unabashed excitement wavered.

 

Ash rolled his eyes. _NO._

“You fucking brat-“ Max managed to prevent himself from screeching as the rest then began to raise their hands impatiently. “Is that even true?”

 

_YES._

 

“Hey, we wanna ask our stuff too!” Sing said.

 

“No, me!”

 

“I was the second-in-command! I should be asking-“

 

“ _Gosh, they’re more childish than you, onii-chan._ ”

 

“If you don’t answer their questions, I won’t talk to you,” Eiji warned as Max finally decided to pull out names from an empty chips canister.

 

“Ok, fine, Sing goes first,” Max then proceeds to stuff his mouth with a pork bun. “Are you really Ash?”

 

“That’s a lame question,” Bones said.

 

“Shut up, just making sure,” Sing flushed.

 

“ _Are you sure this is worth answering?_ ” Ash turned to Eiji, who proceeded to ignore him. “ _Fine.”_ YES.

 

“Alright, me, next!” said Bones. “Do you love Eiji?”

 

“ _WHAT THE FUCK-“_

Everyone turned to Max then. Eiji could hear Ash fingers inching away from his as he began to shake the planchette.

 

“Ok, Ash, answer the million dollar question.”

 

_“What the fuck, this is uncalled for! Can’t possibly- Hey, Eiji, stop them-“_

Eiji continued to look at the board.

 

 _“Fine, you dum dum_.” NO.

 

“Liar,” everyone countered.

 

The planchette continued quivering. _F-U-C-K-Y-O-U_

“I’ll follow up that question,” Alex raised his hand this time. “Are you really going to haunt Eiji for the rest of his days?”

 

 _“Stop making the damn séance about Eiji, dammit!”_ The planchette was shaking more violently this time.

 

“Answer him,” Eiji said curtly. Not that he did not know the answer anyway.

 

Ash dictated the board again. _F-O-R-E-V-E-R_

“Oh my god!” their friends screeched.

 

“You don’t have to keep yelling every time he answers!” Eiji said. God, everyone was too excited. Now he understood why Ash was irritated at people all the time.

 

“You’re blushing Eiji-“

 

“Don’t invent things!”

 

“My turn!” said Kong. “Do you regret not coming to Japan?”

 

“That’s a little too much, Kong-“ Max said nervously.

 

Ash kept moving the planchette. I-D-O-I-M-S-O-R-R-Y-E-I-J-I

 

No one yelled this time. The air grew colder. All knew it merely wasn’t because of the ghost.

 

“Eiji, you’re the only one who hasn’t asked anything yet.” It was Max who noticed first.

 

Ash neither quipped nor coughed nor attempted to follow-up like he usually does. Eiji’s eyes were still on the board. Should he be a killjoy and not bother when he can ask Ash directly?

 

“I-“ Eiji was about to stop them but swallowed his melancholy and let exasperation seep through. He wanted to be understanding of Ash’s demise. He always looked the other way when it came to Ash. He blindly trusted this son of a bitch and he ended up fucking him over in a manner that made his chest ache every fucking time he remembered Sing damning the expensive overseas calls and broke the news in the middle of the night.

 

He still couldn’t look at Ash. He remembered that night as he cradled his massive yet broken frame under his own. He could barely even fit his arms on Eiji’s lap. _Forever? Don’t use my words, you hypocrite._ “Were you happy dying?”

 

There was no emotion present in his voice.

 

Ash’s fingers were quivering but he doesn’t move.

 

“Don’t fucking lie, o benevolent spirit,” he spat then. “Were you happy leaving us, Ash?”

 

“Eiji, you shouldn’t-“ Max warned as the candles began flickering.

 

“I’m no longer fucking afraid of what you’re capable of. You can’t hurt me now,” Eiji said, now raising his voice as all of them tried their hardest to take out their fingers. A cold wind was beginning to howl. Only two paranormal experts from the ones Eiji asked to examine Ash disagreed that he was a poltergeist. “Answer me, you tiny dickhead!”

 

The planchette finally moved as all the candles went out. There was a crashing of fine porcelain as some of their bowls landed on the floor. _GOODBYE_

 

Ash was gone. Eiji kept shouting at the top of his voice as it broke. “Yeah, good riddance you coward!”

 

\--

Max must have it tough to be the remaining adult now that Ibe returned to Japan and moved on with his life. He was lucky for making it out in one piece too. New York had this habit of swallowing people with no concrete plan like him alive. They say these kinds of cities can either make you or simply make you go insane. It was more a mix of both, if he was honest. He learned how to toughen up. He also did not know how to stop.

 

So when the Glenreed patriarch who was about to marry Jessica in a few months’ time came to knock at his door, Eiji made sure to remain jaded. “I don’t need to apologise. All of you thinking the same thing. That’s why you even bothered to help me.”

Despite Ash’s insistence then that Max was as important as his unused pair of skinny jeans that burned along with the rest of his things, he was the sturdiest anchor one can depend on as they sail the unknown stormy seas. “Did not come to scold you. You’re too old for that shit,” he laughed. “Just wanted to make sure that you didn’t do anything else stupid.”

 

Eiji was hesitant. His eyes stared at the emblem of Max’s Ralph Lauren shirt. “Uhm, still at the planning stages.” Max was just one of the many assumptions Ash was wrong about. He really didn’t know any better when it came to judging people the first time around like the rest of them. “Ash still hasn’t appeared. Probably mulling over his past actions… and planning his revenge.” He gave a small smile. “I deserve it anyway. For even coming back here.”

 

“Just shows you care about him like the rest of us.”

 

“Or just shows that I still couldn’t accept him dying like the rest of us. Maybe that’s why he even bothered appearing.” He looked at the photos he developed from their trip yesterday. Just the backdrop of the apartments and back-alleys. No orbs, or a blurred scowling Ash in sight. “It makes me mad… really mad because he looked relieved that day.” Eiji sounded spent. There were dark splotches under his eyes. “Wish he died afraid of slipping away, like the fucking coward he really is-“

 

Max merely looked on as Eiji continued to utter colourful strings of curses, a clear product from the year of hell they experienced post A.D. (or Ash’s Death, as Alex coyly but discreetly put it). He must be thinking how much he had changed, or how far he was from the angel Ash sanctified him to be. Ash really did place him too much in a pedestal he couldn’t reach.

 

When he tired of calling Ash names that were barely even a smidge of what he truly was, Max said, “You still came back though.”

 

“Either I’m brave or stupid,” he expounded. “When do you draw the line, Max-san?”

 

“Well, love makes you both,” Max shrugged. Binaries never really worked in situations like this one. Or maybe Ash was wrong and Eiji truly did grow up a little.

 

“Ash just never did learn to love properly,” he said, letting Max sit beside him on the bed.

 

“Aren’t you a little arrogant to assume that?” Max thought otherwise. “That was his ‘proper’ way. Dunno though, we never got to ask.”

 

Eiji turned his head to the ceiling. Saw the small bugs that accumulated in the bulb. Made it easier to look. “I did. He told me a lot of things.” Right. Ash was the poster boy for tragedy. Like some sadistic creator decided to pile as much terrible things on top of the other to make him look like the ideal trauma survivor. Really, if Ibe could see him now. Might wonder what happened to sweet, docile Ei-chan. “Just don’t know now how to make of them. I tried to understand but it got too complicated with… you know, Banana Fish.”

 

Maybe he disliked how Ash thought he could thrive better under this storm of misery. He had reached out his hand to him and he did not take it. Or maybe Eiji was really mad because Ash was a fan of complications instead of just dropping the hard truth straight on his lap.

 

Max asked Eiji if he wanted to go out for a drink. Little did they know that it was foreordained.

 

\--

 

Before that though, Max did end up bringing Eiji in one of those classic quiet underground bars with all the neon lights and lack of space. He let the Japanese take two shots first of vodka before giving him a large yellow envelope without a word.

 

Eiji hesitated at first, afraid that he’d see something embarrassing or gory, but Max was a sensible adult at least.

 

He then decided to nudge him further as Eiji continued to stare. “Do you plan on staying here in New York?”

 

He initially planned to, that’s why he bought a ton of souvenirs and brought his savings along. Then there was Ash’s reappearance. “Still not sure.”

 

“I’m settling down in California,” Max said. “Michael said he preferred the sun more than the snow. Plus winter’s a bitch here. We were lucky then to not have experienced that. Just wanted to make sure that you’re ready to adjust. Applying for a citizenship takes time. You need a battle plan to live and thrive.”

 

“You’re right…” Eiji nodded. “Honestly, I didn’t plan… Still reckless.”

 

“You’ll be fine though. Sing’s here with the rest. Pretty sure they’d take care of you. Ash also planned for it, in a way.” He pressed the envelope towards the counter in front of Eiji. “His last present. Didn’t know when your birthday was, so…”

 

Eiji looked at the envelope and then at Max.

 

“I actually returned here for an errand. Not just for a homecoming, mind you,” he said loftily. “Can you read them at least?” he asked when Eiji squinted at the papers in the envelope.

 

“No.”

 

“Well, looks like you have to start learning,” Max said. “To put it simply, that’s Ash’s last will and testament and some of his assets. He transferred them all to you, along with the rest of Golzine’s money.”

 

“What?”

 

The older man nodded. “When I found out that you were coming, I had to contact the realtor ASAP to check if the property was also in your name. Ash really liked to think ahead. Knew you’d come back.”

 

Eiji continued to stare. His contacts were turning his eyes red. Yes, that’s it. He wiped his face.

 

“Told you,” Max said quietly before downing his glass. “Ash’s language of love was merely different from yours. Guess he believed in you too.”

 

That was enough for Eiji to order another round.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Eiji's grammar is on purpose lel 
> 
> Also, if you cannot get over Banana Fish like me, maybe you can check out the Banana Fish: Wishes zine! This zine is centred on happier canon times between Ash and Eiji. Also did a piece there that's more focused on the fun than the tears :"D They're open for pre-orders! You can also check their [tumblr](https://bananafishzine-wishes.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/bananafishzines)!


	3. We just want to see Eiji move on goddammit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to continue asking the difficult questions! 
> 
> Warning: Implied PTSD and suicide ideation.

Eiji has been dreaming plenty even when he returned to Japan. The dreams will vary, but there is a recurrence to them, a patchwork pattern of sorts. As each night tolls by it would be less lucid and dissociative, wryly toying with his thoughts and making him touch his legs and right arm at times.

 

Sometimes, the backdrop would be red then black. But yes, it was nearly the same thing. For one, he can taste the blood and salt in his mouth. Then he would see the usual people die, sometimes in order, sometimes behind him, and sometimes with a blood-curdling scream that would ring continuously in his ears even when he would wake up in a cold sweat and attempt to look for something to keep his eyes and ears from going berserk at times.

 

He had seen Griffin and Shorter die again. Also some of Ash’s men in almost every encounter with Dino. That would be the easy part. The difficult one was seeing his surroundings turn cobalt with wisps of white to look like the sky. Under them would be the grass or torpid seas. There would be a long table with a lampshade. Someone would be sitting on it. Ash’s hair seemed to be dyed in scarlet, skin clear and unfairly pearlescent looking, eyelashes fluttering as he slept. Despite his peaceful and godly face, he still looked painfully, unavoidably human.

 

Eiji would never be able to wake him up. Instead, he would open his eyes and curse and try looking for an Ash that stubbornly refused to appear. By then, it would be safe for Eiji to curl up and let emotion rain.

 

\--

 

It must be the reason why Ash’s Wes Magnum was left in his possession as Max gave him the papers to sign.

 

“So how do you want to spend your money first when you receive it on your birthday?” he laughed as they left the firm to go to the nearest burger joint one more block away. Eiji was quick to unravel his tie.

 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Eiji admitted. “Kinda wish that Ash would appear now though. Just want to hear him be honest with me for once.”

 

Days later and the rest would be asking him why, despite having one of the more expensive properties in Greenwich Village with some celebrities and artists, Eiji still kept sleeping on the sofa in Shorter's apartment with Nadia and Charlie. 

 

"Does that place make you feel lonely, Eiji?" None of them wanted to keep the melodramatic ball rolling by then, with Bones attempting to draw first blood during breakfast. All of them made sure to keep their handkerchiefs and tissues at bay in case Eiji does give in and finally let it out. They're still praying for the worst though.

 

Eiji wasn't gonna give them the satisfaction though as he shook his head and kept going at his egg and kale salad. "Still have to set up my telephone line and open a temporary bank account. Ash didn't really think of things through by giving me the house. People will get suspicious if I suddenly move in without a decent living to back it up."

 

He had a good point back there, all of them agreed despite their grumbling and snorting in their salad.

 

"Plus Miss Nadia's food is great. Hope to learn a lot before I do move in."

 

"So you're really gonna stay in New York for real?" Sing asked.

 

"Hm... Still thinking about it," Eiji laughed. "It's gonna be tough because I haven't hired a lawyer yet to take care of the processing."

 

"Max can take care of that," Kong pointed out.

 

"Yeah... I need several thousand bucks for the lawyer alone. Hopefully, will get my green card in 3-4 years."

 

"I can help with that!" Sing raised his hand. Eiji knew that he’d ask the Lee head’s help but did not comment further. He did not want to bring up anything that would make him remember.

 

"And... I have to tell my family," Eiji sighed. "I just went back and bailed on them when I heard the news..."

 

Well, that was only the thing they can't help him with. They glumly looked at their bowls.

 

"That's my problem though, you guys worry too much about me. Thank you though, really, I can't thank you enough..."

 

Finally! Eiji would break down. All of them looked up at him expectantly.

 

"Wha-what's wrong guys? Do I look that fat? Yeah... I should stop getting third helpings. Any of you want more?"

 

Among Ash's men and Sing's, only Kong succeeded in breaking the porcelain bowl with his head when they dropped in exasperation.

\--

 

A week after, Eiji decided to throw a going-away party for Max at his residence, sending the rest in a frenzy and willing to make a ton of meals, their own reservations about dress codes and Eiji's addiction to rabbit food be damned.

 

"Let's play spin the bottle!" Bones said after their sixth shot of McCallan because fuck it, none of them were thinking straight or with dignity anymore. "Then Truth or Dare!"

 

They decided that the unlucky fucker would end up answering or embarrassing himself. Little did Eiji know though, there was already a plan in place.

 

"It's you, Eiji!" said Sing as he poured Eiji another shot glass.

 

"Again?" he mumbled in annoyance, not bothering to hide his furrowed eyebrows anymore after his ninth glass. All of them were grinning in victory inside and were trying to hold it in as Max decided to ask the question. "Alright, dare!"

 

Shit. Despite Sing's impeccable bottle twirling, Eiji never went with answering anything. He had become pretty mellow since his first visit to the bar with Max. None of the usual fits where he was talking with air- no, Ash. Or acting confidently or smugly whenever he has them taste Ash's favourite food or read Ash's favourite authors. He was also going out more, building up his portfolio with pictures he took with the latest Canon camera. It was the first thing he bought once he had finished the paperwork over Ash's testament. Come to think of it, he never looked like he was communicating with Ash at all.

 

Max though, decided that he had enough. "Then I dare you, you stubborn little shite! Answer with either yes or no: Do you miss Ash?"

 

But Eiji was no longer listening and was snoring deeply from his chair, hands splayed out and dropping his empty shot glass to the floor.

 

"Still hasn't appeared since then, huh?" Sing said when Kong and the rest bundled him up to the sofa. He'd probably want to sleep with them and not on the king-sized bed by himself. "Wonder if Ash had planned for them to sleep together."

 

Max said nothing as he looked at the rest. "Let's try calling Ash then." He took out his Ouija board from his bag along with the planchette.

 

"You sure?"

 

"Damn right I am."

 

Despite the possibility of summoning a different entity and having their horror film dreams coming true, all of them proceeded to put their fingers on top of the wooden guide and proceeded to ask if someone was there.

 

"Eiji was just confused, as we all are," Sing then said after a straight minute of awkward silence. "He's just trying to be mad, but we're sure he misses you. That's why he's even here."

 

It was an uncomfortable experience hearing Eiji being angry in Japanese over the phone. A half-hour shouting match erupted between him and a woman on the other end. They instantly assumed it was his mother.

 

Eiji was quiet afterwards when he finished his usual shrimp and avocado salad. All were too fearful to ask him how he was then when he trudged back to his room to sleep.

 

Ash was still not replying when they shifted their attention to the Ouija board again.

 

“On the bright side,” Max shrugged. “At least there’s no other phantom pretending to be Ash. Let’s play spin the bottle instead?”

 

It was a subdued start when Sing held the bottle of Budweiser in place.

 

“Let’s put a spin to it. Guy who’s ‘It’ will be the one asking the Truth or Dare.”

 

Everyone was too sodden to object. Max was first.

 

“Still feels fucking surreal to finally leave New York…” he scratched his nose. “Once this business with Eiji is over, what will you guys be doing afterwards?”

 

“Might continue managing business here in Chinatown,” Sing was the first to answer without a second thought. “And will probably go to school and get a degree. Can’t act like a thug here forever. Need to expand my horizons.”

 

“Get one that has to do with computers,” Max added. “Ash left his computer with Eiji and he’d need your help figuring out what’s going on in that dolt’s head. Yeah, that’s right Ash, I’m talking to you.”

 

Sing was the only one allowed to laugh.

 

“I might stick around with Eiji until he settles in his new house,” Bones raised his hand.

 

“Yeah right, you’d just want to eat his food,” Kong was quick to retort.

 

“No way! I have plans to learn! Maybe if I eat enough greens I’ll get my teeth regrowing in no time.”

 

“That’s not how greens work, dum-dum.” Everyone chortled at this.

 

“Will probably try looking for work,” Alex said. “Might also check up on Eiji from time to time.”

 

“Uh… same with me,” Kong said.

 

“Stop being so afraid of Ash, dammit! He’s too dead to be your boss!” Sing said.

 

“Kinda get you though. Eiji needs all the help he can get. Living in New York’s tough,” Max shrugged. “Already told him to enrol in English classes to lose his accent. Needs to meet and network with as many people as possible. Competition in New York’s pretty tight.”

 

All of them gulped.

 

“Eiji will definitely make it,” Sing then said. “Just need to support him in Ash’s stead.”

 

“Miss Wong- y’know, Shorter’s sister- did she tell you about Eiji when he’s asleep?” Alex asked. None of them bothered to spin the bottle anymore. “Based from what she said, he’s like the Boss now sleeping. All fussy and angry and in pain.”

 

It took a while for Kong to be the next to speak.

 

“Is it really for the best that Eiji’s staying here in New York?”

 

“Just have to support him. He was the one who moved back here right away,” Sing said.

 

“My, my, what wise words from our cute little Sing,” Max made a good show to throw Sing into an arm lock

 

“Fuck right off, you old geezer!” he then barked like a little pup as he tried yanking him off. “Nadia also tells me about seeing Eiji cradling Ash’s gun like a teddy bear when he’s sleeping. She doesn’t want to tell me, but pretty sure she’s worried about what he’ll do with it when the dreams become too much.”

 

“I took out the bullets though,” Max said.

 

“Yeah but still…” Sing mumbled. “Eiji doesn’t want to show it, but he’s definitely not okay. Especially now that Ash ain’t here. Do you also have other means to contact Ash aside from the Ouija?”

 

Max scratched his chin. “Hmm… I dunno if he’ll help me, but I’ll try looking for him in that bar near Brooklyn Bridge again. I got the Ouija board from him.”

 

“Who the hey is that?” Bones asked, opening his mouth widely for his two remaining front teeth to be in full view.

 

“Dunno. He claims to be a shaman of sorts. Y’know like the ones Eiji contacted to send Ash away? Didn’t want to see him again because I can’t have myself treating that son of a bitch to another bacchanalia, but he was a pretty laidback fellow.”

 

“Can we come to see him too? He sounds cool!”

 

“You sure he’s the real deal though?” Alex asked sceptically.

 

“Well, he had my dear old ma come and possess him. Holy shit, like he was using her voice and had all the hairs on my body standing up when she narrated about how I pooped at our truck on our trip to Colorado, like pointing at the exact spot where I delivered the payload. Fuck, plus she told me about the time that dad and she went skinny dipping in Miami beach-“

 

“Ok, too much info!” Sing interrupted. “Let’s go visit this… Shaman of yours. Might as well believe that gullible ass yours and give Eiji a good laugh if he’s a phoney when I wring that hippie’s neck.”

\--

 

Eiji managed to have a different dream this time. He wanted Ash to be a part of that dream, because he was a needy son of a bitch and fuck Ash, _fuck you Ash,_ but Ash was still petty as he ever was so another brat replaces his appearance instead in that field of a trillion stars.

 

“Yo,” the brat was at least shorter than him, praise whoever god decided to give him a neutral dream where he was either reminiscing the good (and bad) times with a living Ash or just plain exorcising that nasty ghost of his. He had straight long mahogany hair and was wearing a red flowing kimono, with peacocks and sakura and green and purple maple leaves hand-painted on the ends, not caring to tie it with a sash. He would have mistaken this kid to be a girl if it weren’t for hearing him speak the first time. “Aren’t you a confused little soul?”

 

Wait, now that he wasn’t drunk in his dream, he realised this child was speaking in Japanese. He wasn’t sure this was Ash. There was something with this kid’s aura that made him reconsider lashing at him.

 

“Who are you?” Eiji decides to get straight to the heart and just ask. He was finally speaking in his native tongue with someone after two weeks, goddammit. Might as well make full use of this chance.

 

“I don’t think it’s necessary for you to know right now,” he said, and Eiji nearly said something at the audacity of this little shit but thought better. His Japanese was pretty archaic at times. Must be an old spirit of sorts despite his appearance. He must also be pretty powerful, with his complete disregard to dress codes and all that. People in the upper echelons can get away with anything. “You will soon enough though when you meet him.”

 

“Wait what?”

 

“You remind me of him in a way. Always wanting to save the people you care about, no matter the cost.”

 

“Wait- do you know where Ash is?”

 

He tilted his head up as he became possessed by light. Eiji could barely keep his eyes open as he leaves. “Try going on a date sometime.”

 

He would then wake up more because of the confusion than the possibility of Ash not ever appearing again.

\--

 

Going on a date meant… fulfilling his needs or something like that? He didn’t understand that long-haired kid’s advice but might as well try.

 

“Uhm,” he decided to talk to the guys during breakfast about it. “Can you suggest a place where I can… uh, pick up girls?”

 

Only Alex and Bones were present then to spit on the milk at each other’s faces before breaking into sobs.

 

“I-Isn’t it too soon though?” Alex asked.

 

“Yeah, I have little cash on hand to go on a date huh…” Eiji looked at his battered leather wallet glumly.

 

“No, that’s not what I meant-“

 

“Yeah, I haven’t really thought about what to do in New York yet. I mean, I have to do some signing here and there with Max-san’s help. Plus I have to get an actual job to sustain me while I finish my papers…”

 

“That’s not that too! It’s easy to pick up chicks if you know the right places-“

 

Alex was quick to slap Bones’ mouth and had him sit down. “If the boss hears you, idiot-“

 

“Good morning Eiji!” Max sang out when he brought McDonald's with Kong and Sing bringing also holding their own. “For variety, and because we also need junk food to exist.” He had the rest filing in the plastic bags on the unoccupied part of the dining table.

 

Eiji, however, noticed a stranger with long black to mahogany-coloured hair shyly outside the door and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. His eyes widened as he pointed at him, trembling slightly. _What the fu-_

 

“Uhm, Eiji, meet the shaman who gave me the Ouija board. He might be able to help us locate Ash. His name’s Yoh-“

 

 _Yoh?_ Eiji was quick to stand as Sing and the Kong opened the door wider for the stranger in deep reverence. Compared to that, however, Alex and Bones crowded near Eiji, gazes much colder than the rest.

 

He was the spitting image of that boy in his dreams last night. Not only that, but it made sense for the boy to be much older given his archaic manner of speaking. His hair was long enough to reach his lanky legs too.

 

“Hey Eiji!” he said, walking forward. A necklace with three bear claws bobbed around his neck. Now that he was looking at him properly, he could understand his two friends’ wariness. It already September and he was still wearing open-toed sandals and orange capris. He really did look like one of those hippies that he’d pass by along Brooklyn and were keen on offering him a joint. “Couldn’t resist the free meals in exchange for helping you out so-“

 

“Wait, you’re from Izumo?” He had forgotten entirely that this man- Yoh- had been speaking to him in his native tongue. That was the reason why the rest were giving them quizzical expressions. Not only that, but he was speaking a different kind of Japanese that he was too uncomfortably familiar with.

 

“Bingo!” Yoh did not bother hiding that slight provincial twang in his voice now. “Kinda weird to see a fellow from Izumo roaming the streets of New York innit? Wah, are you alright?”

 

Tears were streaming quickly from Eiji’s eyes before he knew what was happening. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe you were real-“

 

Yoh was quick to pat his head. “Course I am! Didn’t think I’d make you cry though, sorry ‘bout that’-“

 

“What the fuck are you guys talking about!” Sing blasted at them then and folded his arms. “Speak English, dammit!”

 

“Ah, yeah, of course?” Yoh’s English was also good. There was no heavy accent in them at all. “Nice to meet you guys. I’m Yoh Asakura, full-time Shaman, part-time wanderer-“

 

“Wait, does that mean you’re a drifter?” Alex raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

 

“A hobo!” Bones corrected.

 

Yoh was laughing at them, not bothered at all by their words. “I don’t know what you guys mean, but thank you!”

 

 _Well, that makes sense_. Even Eiji’s limited English was enough for him to understand that they were insults. He wiped his eyes. “Didn’t think- A fellow _Nihonjin-_ You appeared last night too-“

 

“Last night?” Yoh turned at him.

 

“Yeah, you were short- a kid wearing a kimono-“ He did not ask further if he liked looking like a girl of sorts.

 

Yoh’s eyes darkened at this. “That wasn’t me, Eiji-san. Did the kid in your dream have straight hair?”

 

Now that he mentioned it… Yoh’s hair resembled waves rather than branches. Eiji nodded.

 

“Well, looks like my older brother is a step ahead again.” His coldness melted again as he laughed, cheeks flushing in honest warmth.

 

“Are you guys really leaving us out of this?” Sing demanded.

 

“It’s not like that at all!” Eiji said quickly. “It’s just… I usually dream of something else. It was the first time Yoh-san’s brother appeared so- Why is he in my dream then? Is he a shaman too?”

 

“Hmm… I can’t say he’s a mere shaman…” Yoh rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “He’s more powerful than me, that’s for sure. He rarely shows himself to humans. He hates our lot, you see… you must’ve interested him.”

 

“How? Compared to you, despite being from Izumo too-“

 

“You did see Ash, did you not?” he smiled.

 

“He’s not here though.”

 

“Really?” his smile became more pronounced. “Did my brother give you advice on how to deal with this Ash then? Pretty sure you asked him to, didn’t you? He acts so high and mighty, but he just wants people to depend on him.”

 

“Well… uh, he told me to go on a date.”

 

Yoh then broke into a full grin. “I see. Then try doing that.”

 

“Wait man, we didn’t treat you to a full course meal in Four Seasons just to-“ Max then said.

 

“Ok then, I’ll pay for Eiji-san’s date then,” Yoh said patiently, eyes still twinkling. He plopped himself on the sofa. “Try enjoying yourself. You haven’t been sleeping well since you arrived here, have you? Your companions have been worried for awhile now.”

 

Eiji’s stomach squirmed at this. Hours later during the date, Eiji would find out it wasn’t out of guilt but because of salmonella.

\--

 

It was one of the worst days that Eiji ever experienced, excluding the shit that happened during his first visit in New York. To cut it short, Alex and Cain managed to make the blind date happen in a swanky area in upper Manhattan. Max rented a tux for Eiji while Sing pulled some strings to make Eiji join a bachelor party with the Lee head’s closest associates.

 

She was beautiful too. Hair long and fair like golden wool with glinting sapphire eyes under the massive chandelier in the middle of the Chrysler convention room.

 

Now, one of the biggest mistakes Eiji had ever made was _not_ going to the bathroom beforehand, too preoccupied with the tips and tricks his friend gave him for his date. He had to sit straight, be sure to check if the gel still made his hair stick up, speak slowly in his English. If he couldn’t understand shit, then he’d just nod and say ‘I see’ or just be awed because fuck it, Ash had to show up right? He did not understand why he should though. Probably congratulate him before going to heaven? Or maybe get jealous because Eiji had a date and he didn’t? Fuck him, he did not really care anymore. He deserved a fucking explanation and not let Max and the others make up excuses for the mess he made.

 

“You alright?” his date asked. She was also a kind and gracious woman too. He gave a thumbs up to a reluctant Sing and Max as he asked for her hand on the dance floor. He should listen to Yoh at least and enjoy himself.

 

“This is my first time dancing at these kinds of events,” she turned pale pink before looking at Eiji with her dazzling bejewelled eyes.

 

“It’s my first time too,” Eiji flushed in reply. Shit, he wasn’t feeling too well though, that was for sure. He wrapped an arm lightly around her waist and held her hand. There was a quick slow jazz number playing, and he might as well get it over with.

 

“I really enjoyed our time here,” she said quietly. “Uhm, thank you. I hope I made you happy as you had for keeping up with me,” He twirled her around to hide his sadness. He had forgotten her name already, too occupied with his upset stomach and another blond that shouldn’t be here.

 

_“Your footwork’s sloppy. Like you’re literally mopping the floor with her.”_

 

Eiji must be imagining things again and kept himself preoccupied with cradling her gently as the melody continued to slow.

 

_“Abysmal. Truly abysmal. You suck, onii-chan.”_

 

 _Well suck this,_ Eiji thought fiercely as he then locked lips with her. Oh, he should be jealous alright. She was pretty and kind and a fucking billionaire’s daughter. Despite the problems at home and her low self-esteem, she told him during dinner, he will make her happy dammit. He couldn’t make Ash happy but at least-

 

The lights then went off. Everyone’s screams were cut short when the lights flickered on again and kept flickering.

 

“What’s-“

 

“Come with me,” Eiji grunted then and held her hand as he walked swiftly, dodging Sing and Max as he waded past the sea of snooty worrywarts. If he was going to drop the chandelier on them, he was one step ahead of him. They continued up the stairs, ignoring the flickering lights as they made their way up towards the 61st floor towards the stairs. She never uttered a word of complaint when they stumbled upwards, ignoring the faulty lighting and managed to reach the back of one of the eight gargoyles, marvelling at the Manhattan Skyline as a reward.

 

Eiji’s stomach continued rumbling. He rubbed on it tentatively with his free hand.

 

“You don’t look too well since earlier.”

 

So she noticed. “I think I’ve eaten something bad-“

 

She smiled in reply and nodded her head. “That, and something else.”

 

Eiji continued looking at the lights below. The view reminded him of another place. Seems like a lifetime ago. The windows in that lavish apartment were pretty big too.

 

“Yeah, just… New York’s a pretty big place. Can swallow you up if you’re not careful.”

 

“You’ll get used to it,” she said quietly. “Or you can leave. You have a choice.”

 

He remembered the shattered glass and felt his right shoulder tingling again from that bullet wound. “Just tired of having others make decisions for me.” He smiled bitterly at this. “Happened to me a couple of times in this city. But I still couldn’t stay away. I still couldn’t say goodbye.” He inhaled deeply.

 

“You can’t forgive New York, can you? You can’t forget the shit in it too,” she said. “Just shows you did see something in it worth redeeming, despite the muck and indifference.”

 

Both of them grew quiet then. She was the first to leave as well.

\--

Ash was beside him when he woke up. Eiji did not scream this time as he rubbed his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

None of them knew who said it first. The words just slipped out.

 

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” That too.

 

Eiji couldn’t look at Ash as he rubbed and blew at his hands.

 

“I’m exhausted, Ash,” he said as he continued looking in front of him, eyesight be damned. “Can you stop running away? I can no longer keep up.” He laughed weakly at this.

 

Only the howling of the wind was heard. It was going to be fall soon.

 

“ _I’m a fucking coward Eiji,_ ” Ash said. _“You were right. Always right.”_

 

“You always act the most stubborn,” Eiji then glanced at his direction. “At least you still know how to cry. Serves you right,” he said, grinning widely.

 

 _“Shut up_ ,” he said flippantly. _“You were crying earlier too!”_

 

“You must be laughing then. I’ll be laughing now.”

 

_“Fuck off.”_

 

Eiji finally lost it. Better to laugh than cry and remember that he can’t console Ash like he used to. His arms were useless now.

\--

Yoh picked up Eiji then along with Sing and Max with the latter’s black Corolla. “How was your date?” he asked serenely.

 

“Didn’t work out, and I need to use the bathroom. _My_ bathroom,” Eiji emphasised.

 

 _“Apparently, Japanese are pretty fussy when it comes to taking a dump,”_ Ash sighed just behind him.

 

“Hello, Ash. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Yoh said amiably, making Sing and Max open their mouths in shock and annoyance when all of them squeezed inside.

 

“Ash is really here?” Sing kept asking that Ash made sure to run his fingers through his eye sockets and make the teenager screech so loudly he would end up clamming up.

 

“ _Hey hippie, you can see me?_ ” Ash managed to let curiosity take over him as he flew circles around a complacent Yoh. He nodded in reply.

 

“The food was great. Nicked some for tonight. We have to celebrate Ash’s return,” he said as he showed his plastic bag. “Thought my wife would be breathing down my neck right now, but she must be enjoying her vacation in Disneyland till now.”

 

“Why didn’t you come?” Eiji asked. _This man had a wife?_ They were almost the same age. What was he doing with his life?

 

“I missed my flight two days ago. She didn’t bother waking me up,” he shrugged.

 

 _“Jesus and you call yourself an adult…”_ Ash trailed off as he folded his arms. He squeezed himself beside Eiji near the window.

 

“Looks like it was a success then,” Yoh beamed. “My job is done! I can finally go to Disneyland tomorrow.”

 

“It’s not done yet,” Eiji said, before saying in Japanese, “I want to ask you something, Yoh-san.”

 

This made Yoh’s eyes become watchful for a moment as he turned at his direction. “What is it?”

 

“Is there a way for me…” he turned at an annoyed Ash, who held his nose in the air for being left out. “To bring Ash back?”

 

“What do you mean back?” he continued gazing at him attentively.

 

Eiji hesitated at this. There was something about Yoh that reminded him of Ash’s old teacher. His gaze was enough to tell a thousand stories. Not all of them had happy endings, he assumed. He bit the bullet. “To make Ash live again.”

 

He thought Yoh wouldn’t answer. Adults were usually that way. Instead, Yoh nodded with no trace of apprehension. “There is a way.” He broke into a small smile. “You might die in the process though. Wouldn’t that piss off your cute and friendly ghost?” he pointed at Ash, who was attempting to blow into Max’s ear and making him yelp in fear and chagrin.

 

“It might. But well, he pissed me off more times than I can count,” he smiled at the ghost when he turned to his direction. “So what do I have to do?”

 

“You have to succeed where I failed,” Yoh did not bother mincing his words despite his collected manner. “You must replace my older brother and become Shaman King.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saw Yoh's profile and holy shit he was also born in Izumo. Still reeling from that revelation and excited to see how it will go!
> 
> Also, retconned a lot of shit in the OG Shaman King like the timeline and the Shaman Fight rules but will try to explain with this: Hao Hao Hao friggin Hao Asakura
> 
> Still plugging: Please check out the Banana Fish: Wishes zine! This zine is centred on happier canon times between Ash and Eiji. Also did a piece there that's more focused on the fun than the tears :"D They're open for pre-orders! You can also check their [tumblr](https://bananafishzine-wishes.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/bananafishzines)!


	4. Take care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might rewrite this depending on the mood

* * *

 

.

.

.

* * *

 

 

The world was drenched in white again. There was a lone figure in the throne made of stone just ten feet away.

 

“You finally met my little brother.” Now only three feet. “Again, you’re trying to stir things up, Yoh.”

 

After saying those last words, a badly drenched Yoh, a small towel surrounding his waist was in full view. He laughed in embarrassment as he quickly switches in a bathrobe. “I was having a good dream in Funbari with my friends. Give me an extra ten minutes, pretty please?”

 

“I don’t care,” Hao said calmly, both elbows resting on his seat. His clothes look more like an afterthought, a long shroud he loosely wrapped around his body. “You’re planting ideas in his head again. Overthrow me? This measly thing?”

 

“You called me out from my dream because I pissed you off a little?” Yoh asked good-naturedly, having no problem putting his hands on his hips like a fussy mom.

 

“I don’t have time for frivolities, Yoh,” Hao sighed.

 

Yoh laughed. “It doesn’t make sense for you to be interested in a human.”

 

“Hmm, I wonder…” Hao peered at Eiji again with those all-knowing eyes. “Do you really want to save this… friend of yours?”

 

Eiji nodded. He did not need to ask.

 

“Willing to make a bet with me then?” Hao said. “If you have the gall to defeat god, then let us turn it up a notch…” he waved his hand. Instantly, the place changes and Eiji is in his familiar dream again. Cape Cod in its lush green glory, just at his right he can see the ocean meeting the sky. A familiar back, hair like corn silk draping his head…

 

“I’ll hold a contest of sorts then. I’ll let the winner be shaman king for awhile while I travel the universe…” he stretched his hands and legs, yawns. “Been awhile since I had any exercise.” He stood up. “If you win, you can bring your friend back to life. I’ll open your senses, have Yoh in your corner, offer the possible resources for you to catch up in seven years’ time… If you lose, however-”

 

The figure of Ash fades. Hao’s smile grew all the more calm. “I will take back what you’ve borrowed. Your friend will return to the Great Spirit. Not even Yoh’s wife will be able to retrieve him for your convenience. You will never see him again.” The world was white again, but Eiji now knew better. This place was a haven for the dead. He could see the multiple spirits moving around. “Are you willing to risk everything, Eiji?”

 

* * *

 

 

Yoh gave him the weights that he proceeded to fasten around his shin and wrists. “Wow, thought you’d struggle just putting them on.”

 

Eiji did when he tried to take a step. “It’s fine. I’ve been training with something similar since I was a kid.”

 

“That will make things easier then,” Yoh said, smiling softly. “There is still a long way to go for us if you want to pass the preliminaries at least.”

 

Yes. He looked outside the window and saw Ash playing with the rest as Anna taught them Kokkuri-san. He was the one who had to the the lion’s share of the work this time. “Can I ask you something, Yoh-san?”

 

“Hn?” It still completely eluded him how, despite the possibility that his big brother would wipe out the entire human race one day, he would still act so damn calm.

 

“Ash never really left, did he?” He could see him chortle with the rest when they clapped their hands at his responses. “Was that why you told me to go on a date?”

 

Yoh’s smile crinkled a little at this. “Ash was pretty mean-spirited, no pun intended. Only becoming visible when he wants to.”

 

“And here I thought that I had a sixth sense or something,” Eiji laughed. “Until now, I’m still reliant on him, aren’t I?”

 

“Ash did choose to show himself to you, and only you. Mind you,” Yoh chortled at the excess you’s. “Ask him why.”

 

“Dunno,” Eiji said as he tried raising his arms to stretch them. Still felt weird to kickstart this routine again, given the state of his legs. “He might change the subject again. We never really talked much about these kinds of stuff. We’ll just end up fighting again if I call him out.”

 

“I don’t think being passive-aggressive can help you two though. If you really want to win, you need to work together. Fighting’s normal. Anna and I fight all the time.”

 

“Max-san and Jess-san fight almost all the time too.” Eiji remembered the first time they encountered Anna after Yoh crashed at his house the night before. Someone completely broke the door, a beaded white necklace that was twice the intruder’s source in hand. She wore the most livid expression he had ever seen.

 

“Where is my husband?” she asked, first to a bleary Eiji and then to a yawning Ash.

 

“Uh-“ Eiji looked haplessly then at Ash, who raised both hands in defeat. “Wait, you can see-“

 

Anna was keen not to give a shit though and promptly smashed the ceiling, where a resounding crash and debris revealed a terrified Yoh. He weakly raised his hand. “You look so beautiful in the morning-“

 

“Try harder,” Anna then landed a fist to his cheek, promptly knocking him out. She turned to Eiji, stomping onto Yoh’s epileptic corpse. “Who might you be? What’s a country bumpkin like you doing in a place like this?”

 

“I’m Okumura Eiji and it’s a long story. Uhm, if you don’t mind me asking… Is that,” he pointed at his beads awkwardly. “Are you… an Itako?”

 

Anna sighed. “Obviously. An Izumo native like you should be aware.” She then turned to Ash, who for some reason was eyeing her beads warily. “You are his boyfriend, yes? You deserve better than this runt.”

 

Eiji felt her words like a fucking sledgehammer. Ash does nothing to quell her words though.

 

“ _Yeah, pretty sure I deserve better than seeing this runt of an onii-chan snore every day._ ”

 

“Don’t watch me sleep fucking creep-“

 

“I don’t give a shit about your petty drama,” Anna literally sliced through them with her beads. “I’ll be taking my husband home. But first, make me breakfast. I had to wake up early from my flight and the last thing I need to know is my husband not even noticing I was gone.”

 

Ash slapped his forehead. “ _Great, and I thought we’d finally have some peace and quiet- What the fuck?_ ”

 

Before he could complain further, Anna had already smacked him with her long beads, sending him a few meters past the refrigerator.

 

“Just because you’re a ghost you think you can get away with badmouthing your elders, white boy?” She then began cracking her knuckles threateningly. “I’ll show you a whole new dimension of pain, you cocky little shit.”

 

That was the first time he saw Ash getting schooled, and by a petite woman a head shorter than Eiji no less. He excused himself to get his camera. He better commemorate this in case Ash forgets.

 

* * *

 

So Eiji ends up getting new boarders at his place aside from Sing and Ash’s gang. Ash was already demanding that they pay the rent behind Anna’s back. 

 

“And why I asking them?” Eiji thundered. “You the one demanding it!”

 

_“It’s your house, goddammit. And we’re seriously paying for their flight tickets to Max’s wedding?”_

 

“I thought it’s my money, not yours? If it’s _my_ house, it’s my money too!”

 

“ _Jesus, Eiji we can’t have you giving everything for free. At least let them make the food and clean-“_

 

He shut his mouth the moment Anna entered the room. Her steely eyes were enough to pierce through Ash’s ghostly tongue and strike him dumb. “You were saying?”

 

“It’s nothing, Anna-san…” Eiji trailed off as he continued making his _omurice_. The weights still made his pan-flipping a little sluggish. He kept spilling the omelette. Shit.

 

“Yoh told me the nitty gritty. If you accede to Hao’s whims you’re playing with fire,” Anna said as she leaned against the door.

 

“ _Is this the shaman fight thing?_ ” Ash asked, shuffling closer to Eiji as Anna kept her eyes at him.

 

“Uhuh, nothing to worry about,” Eiji assured when Ash raised an eyebrow and attempted to phase through the stove, flustering him further. “Stop doing that. Don’t want our breakfast to get burnt.”

 

“ _Suit yourself,_ ” Ash said and proceeded to walk through Eiji, who shivered and spat more expletives at his direction as he retreated past the wall when he nearly spilled his food.

 

“Does Ash know?” Eiji then switched to Japanese.

 

“Ask him,” she replied. “I’ll say this again: You don’t need to ask for Hao’s help. There are other people you can ask for assistance. I know the wife of a friend who can resurrect-”

 

“He might relinquish my ability to see spirits if I avoid his. Yoh-san told me that the current Shaman King isn’t a god you want to mess with.”

 

“He told you, huh?” Anna folded her arms.

 

“And how you guys failed to stop him,” Eiji said as he transferred the egg at the plate. He offered Anna the honours of adding ketchup to it. “But ended up saving the world from annihilation anyway.”

 

Anna began to add characters of ‘idiot’ on top. “I don’t mean to discourage you too much, but you’re not in the position to win. You’re already a year younger than us with no shamanic training. That white boy is a human spirit who died recently. You have time to say no.”

 

Eiji put the next batch on the pan. It gave off a lazy sizzle. He wondered if Ash could smell their breakfast and if he was green with envy again. He hasn’t made _omurice_ when he was alive. “I still have time to think about it, yeah?” He was too busy with the stove to look at Anna.

 

He could imagine the pain in her voice though. “You do. I’m sure you’re sensible enough to know that even if you die, Hao might never make you meet.”

 

“He’s quite a brother-in-law, ain’t he?” Eiji said. “I guess I just want an alive Ash that won’t peek when I take a bath. He tends to freeze the water when he tries jumping in.”

 

“He is an asshole. If you’re hearing me, you son of a bitch, then you really don’t have anything better to do, don’t ya?”

 

“Aren’t you guys participating though?” Eiji then asked quizzically.

 

“Nah,” Anna said. “Asked the rest as well. We’ve accepted that this is not our fight anymore. Being Shaman King’s boring. It’s easier to ask for favours too.”

 

“In the end you guys had the last laugh… You actually outsmarted a god, holy shit.”

 

* * *

 

 

The 6-hour flight from JFK to LAX for Max’s wedding was taxing, especially for Eiji telling Ash to shut up about his disastrous first photoshoot to Yoh three days ago.

 

He had a collaboration with a modelling agency as addition to his building portfolio and still hadn’t developed the pictures yet, to everyone’s disappointment. Only Ash knew why.

 

“She was-”

 

“That’s enough Ash,” Eiji said as Yoh looked on, a broad smile on his face as he drank the champagne, patiently and enthusiastically. Yoh had been doing all the heavy lifting when it came to eating as the others enjoyed their time sleeping on their first-class cabins. He attempted to slap his mouth then but Ash used his ghostly attributes to his advantage and phases through.

 

“She had no panties on,” Ash said flatly.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yoh-san… Ash-!”

 

“Your altar boy ass is showing, _onii-chan_ ,” Ash blew a kiss at his direction before turning back to Yoh as if discussing a lecture. “The shoot was near the beach and she did not want her underwear wet so-”

 

It was a good thing none of their friends were listening. Sing had nicked expensive silk ties that he let Ash’s men borrow and had been learning how to knot around their necks. Come to think of it, Sing was also the one who arranged the first-class seats of the plane to themselves. Something smelled fishy, but Eiji did not want to dwell on it too much.

 

“How’s your arms and legs so far?” Yoh then said, turning now to Eiji after Ash described Eiji’s flustered reaction during the shoot in minute detail.

 

It took Eiji a little difficulty to raise his wrists because of the weights. “Took me a little while but I’m used to it now.” He also had weights locked around his ankles. Ash was laughing at him when he attempted to jog the first time and he fell flat on his face. “Speaking of which, aren’t we forgetting someone?”

 

That was the first time he saw their budding Shaman lose his cool as he opened his mouth in horror as the realization hit him. By then he poured the last of the bottle to his glass. “Oh well,” he shrugged. “I guess I’ll die.”

 

* * *

 

The grim reaper ended up letting him live one more day but not without a big smack that knocked him out enough to miss the swanky pool they had to themselves. Max suggested they rent a villa which was a twenty-minute drive away from the reception in Malibu. Apparently, Jessica requested that they throw a beach wedding complete with tiki torches and Max was excited to strip into flower-printed shirts and board shorts during the reception.

 

“Bonehead, fan harder,” she said at a squeaking Bones. “King Kong, give me more shade. Skeletor, where is my new cocktail?”

 

Sing was too busy cleaning the pool while Eiji was preoccupied with grilling some fish and squid. Later that afternoon, Sing and he would be practicing for tomorrow as ring bearer and best man respectively.

 

“ _Pretty sure you were the second choice though,_ ” Ash pouted.

 

“You could’ve tried staying alive then if you wanted it so bad,” Eiji sighed.

 

“You still talking to Ash?” Sing called out as he neared their direction. “That smells good! When are we gonna get a piece?”

 

“Give me five more minutes,” Eiji said. “Yeah, Ash’s airing out his grievances because I got the position by default.”

 

“ _You make me sound so petty, god_ -“

 

Eiji proceeded to ignore his tantrums and turned to Sing brightly. “How are you though? How’s school so far?”

 

“Yeah… it’s weird seeing a ton of people the same age as me on the same place. Been awhile since I last went so…”

 

Apparently, someone pulled enough strings so Sing would end up skipping a few grades ahead. He’d be in junior year like the rest of his peers.

 

“I heard from Ms. Nadia that you’re getting into fights.”

 

Sing quickly covered his bandaged arms with the sleeves of his bomber jacket, the heat be damned. “Big sis is just exaggerating again!” He then looked away. “Just can’t stand it when I see bullies. Those kinds of fuckers piss me off so bad…”

 

“You should think of another way to fight them though.”

 

_“Yeah, tell Sing he should try blackmailing them by putting their parents’ lives at stake.”_

“What the fuck Ash!”

 

“Ah, what did Ash say?” Sing turned pink. “Did he tell me to keep at it? I’m thinking of bringing my Flying Dragon Fang to class.”

 

“ _Tell him about that hideout back near Brooklyn Bridge and have them blindfolded individually so one of his men pretends to be that bastard’s friend or something, and make fake pain so they’d think-“_

“No, he told you to be a good boy and mind your own business,” Eiji smiled sweetly. Anna then called Sing’s name, who quickly jogged up to her. Apparently, she smacked Kong so hard she needed a new man to hold the umbrella.

 

Ash sighed as he sat beside the pool, taking care not to put his entire feet under. “ _So avoidance, huh? The kid wants to help, shouldn’t he-“_

“He’s trying to live like a normal teen, Ash. Can’t have him doing the shit that you did. He’s not dealing with gangs anymore.”

 

“ _Here we go with the denial route again, Eiji. You seriously think he’d be able to avoid that kind of life if he blinds himself to those kinds of realities?”_

“It’s just you think so extreme-“

 

“ _Fine, then I’ll think of another way for him to fight._ ”

 

“It’s always fight, fight, fight for you. That thing needs to end Ash. It’s not your fight anymore.”

 

“ _I’m not saying it’s my fight. Jesus, Eiji you’re escalating things again_ -“

 

“Gosh Ash, why can’t you admit that you’re wrong for once? Why does it always revolve around you?”

 

 _“I’m not making it about me,”_ Ash tried easing up the conversation. Eiji was no longer looking at his grill as he turned his entire attention to Ash. He would’ve looked comical with his spatula in hand if not for the flame in his eyes. “ _I’m just telling you, that you shouldn’t blind yourself to things happening in front of you. I’m sure you’re aware, you’re fucking aware that Sing’s not who you think he is. You know why he’s confident in letting you borrow money? Or booking us first-class tickets to any shit you want? Or the suits for the wedding?”_

“Shut the fuck up, Ash. Look, ok fine. I’m wrong, happy? Let’s not talk about this again.”

 

“ _Goddammit, Eiji. Stop avoiding the damn situation. Aren’t you pissed off that he’s off the hook? Just a bitchy slap will fucking undo every shit that fucker did to you? To me?”_

“Ok then, you don’t want me to avoid? Ok, let’s start with you telling me why you didn’t stand up or even _cry for help_ when you were sitting in that _damn fucking chair_!” Eiji did not care if his voice had risen several decibels higher than was acceptable and the people in the far corner of the pool had their heads craned at their direction. “Answer my question again when we in Ouija board!” Shit. Shit, he should stop fucking crying when he got his buttons pressed. What would his mom say again? “Ok, one more thing then! You know why I fucking went and stayed here even when my ma and sis told me I had no heart when pa dying in hospital? Why I went here when I find out about you without them knowing?”

 

“ _Jesus, Eiji you never told me about your father-_ “

 

The tears wouldn’t stop. Shit. Fucking shit. “You know, if I stay here, I won’t be Japanese anymore. I won’t be able to start anew there if I fuck up here. I don’t think my family would want me, for choosing American over them-“ Fuck. He should go. He did not need to tell him this much. Gosh, the food. It’s turning black, fucking hell-

 

“That’s enough, Eiji.”

 

Anna was there in front of him, Sing in tow with the umbrella covering them from the sun. The rest were then busy taking out the seafood from the grill, howling as they use their hands to transfer them in the plate.

 

“They say I disappoint them,” Eiji kept talking, now wiping his eyes. He couldn’t even speak properly. He lost the argument, yet again. “Say I was not smart for coming with Ibe-san, staying in America, staying with _you_ -“

 

“That’s enough, Eiji,” Anna repeated.

 

Ash couldn’t even say a word as he stood up then. Eiji was sure he was trying his disappearing act again, but it wouldn’t work this time. “Don’t run away. Answer me. No matter how shitty, I deserve answer. I don’t want to be kept in dark like an idiot.”

 

“Shh,” Anna enveloped Eiji in a hug this time, pulling him close. It’s been awhile since he felt a woman’s embrace. Or if someone embraced him for the matter. It felt really warm. “That’s enough.”

 

He caught a glimpse of Ash’s sorrowful eyes as Anna led him away. If he was alive, he would’ve gouged them. At least Ash deserved to feel what he was fucking feeling.

 

* * *

 

Max and Jessica’s wedding proceeded smoothly. Not much drama, the proper tears were shed, and the food during the reception was scrumptious. They even managed to finish their vows and kissed under the setting sun. Eiji sighed as he adjusted his glasses. Max specifically requested that he wear the same white tuxedo he wore when he disguised himself as a waiter complete with the spectacles. It still felt weird not wearing his contacts and even having some ladies asking him to dance with him during the party afterwards.

 

Ash remained on the spot near the beach as the afternoon became night and the moon began rising. Eiji felt a lump on his throat stubbornly refusing to leave even as he shovelled more and more cake and ignored the groom who was no longer wearing his Hawaiian shirt coming close to him.

 

“You alright? Heard about yesterday,” he said, offering him an extra Mojito from a waiter that passed. “Sing and the rest were terrified. Said that was the first time they heard you raise your voice like that.”

 

“Yeah, sorry I lost my cool-“

 

“Nah, it’s fine. Took you long enough to release everything like that. Pretty sure you really knocked Ash in that time,” Max said before taking a sip.

 

Eiji played with the small umbrella in his drink. “He said that I was only second choice for your best man.”

 

“Well, he is telling the truth. Would’ve wanted Ibe or Charlie, but yeah, both were busy so…”

 

“Way to make me feel better,” Eiji laughed.

 

“You betcha,” Max elbowed him playfully. “Also heard from Yoh that you’re not thinking of actually going at it?”

 

“They’re leaving tomorrow to Japan. Don’t think I’ll be able to come with them and train in Izumo. Too many people there I’m not ready to meet again.”

 

“That’s true,” Max sighed. His eyes shifted to the moon rising.

 

“Eh, shouldn’t you be at Jessica’s side now?”

 

“Yeah, she wanted me to check up on you. You’re bad at being fake-happy.”

 

A flush of embarrassment colored Eiji’s face and was visible despite the torchlights. “Ah, so she noticed. Tell here I’m sorry.”

 

“She doesn’t mind,” Max laughed. “Sing caught the boquet by the way.”

 

“Is that even allowed?”

 

Max shrugged. “Dunno, but you should’ve seen the look on his face. Really makes you forget that he’s a gang boss in Chinatown.”

 

“That’s good then,” Eiji’s mouth curled into the most genuine smile he’s had in days. “Congratulations again, Max-san.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, spare the formalities and let’s have a toast. You still haven’t given me your gift yet.”

 

“I’m sorry, I forgot-“ Eiji mumbled.

 

“No worries. You’re gonna give it to me actually,” both of them clinked their glasses and raised it to Max and Jess’ marriage. He then pointed at the beach. “Run over there and talk it over with Ash one more time.”

 

“Wait how-“

 

“Your eyes kept flitting to that direction. Only an ignorant bastard won’t know why.” He ruffled Eiji’s hair again. “Remember, be honest and kind, ok? As a wise man would say: Honesty without tact is plain cruelty. Don’t want to hurt each other again.”

 

“Y-Yeah, hurry up or Jessica might think I’m hogging you too much, Max-san.”

 

Sure enough, he found himself moving closer to Ash’s side. Only the soft glow of the moon was there. Ash did not need it to maintain his pellucid figure.

 

“ _You can really see me?”_ Ash sighed as they kept their gaze at the moon. “ _So it’s true then. I can’t go in and out as I please anymore.”_

“You sure can’t. I can see right through you.”

 

Ash laughed. “ _That was terrible.”_

“You still laughed though.”

 

“ _That’s true._ ”

 

Both of them grinned at each other then. Now, Eiji could see how ethereal Ash truly was under the moonglow. It seemed maddening to know that the man in front of him was truly someone he cannot touch or embrace or even-

 

“ _I’m sorry for being selfish_ ,” Ash then said, letting himself float closer to his side. Both of them then sat down as they continued looking at the waves and seafoam. “ _I wished I asked the shit you were going through when I had the chance._ ”

 

“We never had though. Too much shit happening for us to have the time to get to know one another.”

 

“ _That’s still no valid excuse_ ,” Ash shook his head. “ _I still had the time to say those cringey words. So much fucking cheesy shit, it’s like the spirit of every romance shit suddenly possessed me.”_

Eiji laughed. “You were crying so much then. Reaching out your hand like this. Or screaming my name over and over, gosh those were the days.”

 

“ _Yeah…_ ” Both of them laughed again. Eiji forgot why but they kept laughing.

 

“Remember that time when I went to the hospital the first time? ‘I envy you. You know how to fly.’ I was seriously close to the brink of tears then. No shit. I wouldn’t be injured if I did.”

 

“ _Fuck you, remember when you gave me the soup? The taste was revolting but I had to suck it up. That’s why I said that shit. You might hit me in the head again and go on with your mommy speech about people dying in Africa or something-“_

“Remember the time when you kissed me? I couldn’t say anything but your breath reeked.”

 

“ _You’re really something you know that? Remember the time when we were looking at Manhattan and I was spouting shit about the leopard? Didn’t want to tell you but I haven’t really read it. Hemingway’s shit was too boring for me. That’s why I couldn’t start with Islands in the Stream either._ ”

 

“Well fuck you! I read story even when it was hard!” Eiji said, looking scandalised. “Oh my god, remember that Arthur thing then? When you were screaming like a crying baby ‘I don’t want you to see me like this.’ Like no shit, you think I’m not aware that you killed a ton of assholes in front of me before Arthur? I may be stupid but not blind!”

_“You’re not stupid. I never called you that.”_

 

“Well you’re thinking that.”

 

_“No, I’m not.”_

 

“Yes, you are!”

 

_“Nope.”_

  
“Ye-hes! Ah, that was cold, Ash!”

 

“ _Shit, I forgot that I was dead,_ ” Ash sighed as he leaned back from Eiji’s head, past his mouth. “ _Was about to shut you up with a kiss like last time but fuck it._ ”

 

Eiji shuddered. “Geez, warn me beforehand before you do anything rash. I hate being surprised, especially by you. How many times have you kept shit from me and ended up making me suffer?”

 

“ _Gosh, you’re really frank when you’re drunk aren’t you_?”

 

“It’s because Max said I talk it over to you. I finally have guts to tell you!” Eiji said. “Now are you gonna kiss me or not? It’s freezing for Japanese klutz!”

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Eiji and Ash return to the reception, laughing about their time under the moonlight, they ended up facing the two couples, the four lackeys, and three surprise guests.

 

“ _Was only supposed to enjoy the party and congratulate our dad Max over here, but really? In front of my lemon meringue?_ ”

 

 _“My, my, my you’ve really grown my brother_ -“

 

_“Boss really did him in, huh?”_

 

 _“Wait, holy shit?”_ Ash’s eyes were almost out of their sockets as he processed the new information that- “ _And you guys? You can see them?_ ”

 

“Who do you think we are?” Anna waved her hand away. “Getting souls from heaven is chicken feed.”

 

“Had to do some tweaking here and there,” Yoh laughed as he twirled his fingers. Eiji could see the energy radiating then on their entourage’s heads, like they were encased in a bright light of sorts.”

 

“This is cool!” said Sing. “I saw what you did Ash!”

 

_“One more fucking word and you’re gonna wish you didn’t.”_

_“Language, little brother.”_

 

“How long are you gonna stay though?” Eiji then proceeded to hug Skip as Shorter proceeded to wrestle Ash to the ground.

“ _Until the wedding’s over,”_ Griffin laughed. “ _Really can’t believe that Max over here would snag himself a woman. Really thought this guy would die without getting laid.”_

“Griff!”

 

“I’m gonna commit the biggest mistake of my life. Again,” Jessica sighed.

 

“Now sweetie, aren’t you too harsh-“

 

“Shut the hell up! Don’t sweet talk me and make sure you get a job after our honeymoon!” She then turned to Griff. “He’s lucky to have had a friend like you. He would have been zero prospects if you weren’t.”

 

“That’s going below the belt, honey-“

 

“Make up your mind what you’re gonna call me dammit!”

 

“See?” Eiji laughed at Yoh. “They’re so like you.”

 

Yoh sighed. “Anna’s scarier.”

 

Secretly, Alex and the rest nodded their heads in assent.

 

* * *

 

It was weird having four ghosts interacting with six other humans even after bidding goodbye to Max and Jessica. Yoh and Anna kept themselves in the periphery as the rest indulged themselves in a reunion of sorts again. Shorter and Sing had their quick moment in the corner as Sing narrated his exploits when he took over (“ _I bitch-slapped the Lee bastard! And you should see my Flying Dragon Fang!”)_ while Skip was having the time of his snuffed life laughing as Bones and crew narrated their time in the Winston’s penthouse ( _“The Boss got quite a fright when Eiji wore the pumpkin, nearly cried too!”)_ while Ash and Eiji continued their conversation with Griff as both of them attempted to narrate how they met from the very beginning.

 

“ _He was more docile that time_ ,” Ash explained as Eiji held out his old gun. “ _I was thinking ‘Ok fine you can borrow it’ and you should have seen his expression. I couldn’t erase it from my head as he fawned over this shitty gun, mind you-_ “

 

Eiji could only stick out his tongue at his direction as he looked at the floor. It was pretty awkward to hear Ash telling things in front of his family. Griff looked almost the total opposite of Ash, from his pensive blue-eyed gaze up to his strawberry-blonde hair.

 

“ _First time you act like a meek little lamb, you can’t fool me with that.”_

“ _Relax, Eiji. I don’t think I bite much?_ ”

 

It was just awkward for them to be caught doing the best impression of holding each other’s fingers like that. Eiji doesn’t say this though and kept his mouth zipped.

 

“ _I wish I met you sooner though_ ,” Griff sighed. “ _I’ve never seen my brother smile this much since he was a kid years ago_.”

 

 _“Yeah!”_ Skip chimed in. “ _Looks like we don’t have to worry much._ ”

 

“ _Got that right,”_ Shorter nodded. _“Sing’s filling me in and a ton of things did happen. Wish I didn’t kick the bucket sooner.”_

_“Agreed,”_ Skip said gloomily. _“We didn’t even make it to the good part. Still though,”_ he saluted at Eiji’s direction. _“Thanks for taking care of the boss. Looks like we’re no longer needed on this plane.”_

_“Christ, all of you are making such a big deal out of it-“_

“ _We can now pass on with no regrets. Finally-“_ Shorter sighed. “ _I don’t need to worry about Ash jacking off from my angel picture.”_

_“Damn you Shorter!”_

_“We’re counting on everyone to take care of Ash during his stay here then_ ,” Griff grinned broadly. “ _I’m happy to see you like this, Ash. Sans the dead part, of course.”_

_“Let’s do a ghost hug!”_ Shorter then said. _“You may feel like you’re in the North Pole, but we’re there.”_

_“No fucking way-“_ Ash crossed his arms but ended up huddling with the rest anyway when he met Anna’s eyes.

 

“ _See you guys,”_ Shorter said, giving the biggest hug of them all. “ _Make sure you die quickly, alright?”_

“Shut up, man!”

 

“Don’t go Mister Reaper on us, you selfish fuck!”

 

He was the first to fade away into light. Skip gave a quick hug to Ash and Eiji before disappearing as well.

 

Griff’s tender embrace to his brother was the longest. “ _Take care.”_ He then turned to Eiji’s direction. “ _Both of you. Take care.”_

Ash’s eyes were full of tears when he disappeared. Eiji looked on as the last remnants of their spirits faded, along with the aureoles around their friends’ heads.

 


	5. Do you trust me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! NGL there were times this made me tear up writing it so lmao

 

“ _Tell me a story_ ,” was Ash’s final exam for Eiji, half a year after Max’s wedding and the Asakuras’ departure, before things fell into a pattern of work, photography, and errant conversation between the ghost and the foreigner.

 

Eiji had already conducted his finals in basic Japanese to Ash, asking him to narrate about the rise and fall of the Tokugawa Shogunate, to which he made no qualms in putting a show to, _Rakugo-_ style, that smug son of a bitch. Fucker was just paying him back. Eiji knew he’ll find himself pausing at times just to think of the appropriate term to fit whatever his brain wanted to translate.

 

He also couldn’t ask for a time out. There were no tours to herald that night. Eiji decided to earn money part-time by putting up a walking tour of sorts for fellow Japanese first-timers, retreading the pockets of happiness he experienced with Ash. He had Alex and the rest also putting their own walking tours to accompany the influx of people who want to have a first-hand experience of where the gang wars happened first-hand.

 

Ash was frustrated at Eiji’s adamant refusal to use the money he left him with aside from the housing renovations, adding an additional room for Sing and paying for their plane tickets for the Glenreed’s wedding. Eiji told him he’ll reserve it for emergencies, and he did not need to buy anything else; he can earn the money for the photography equipment and studio rent himself.

 

That night, Sing was sleeping with Nadia. The rest were also out, keen on getting themselves smashed with the guys in Harlem. Eiji had recently finished his homework for his short-term course and his usual run with the weights on his hands and wrists. He’d be packing up for his shoot tomorrow before he took his exam.

 

“ _We can finally have this house to ourselves_ ,” Ash groaned in pleasure as he phased through the wall towards the kitchen. Eiji had taken out his mortuary tablet and placed it near the centre of the black marbled table before his hands cup the bowl of rice and shredded beef drenched in _teriyaki_ sauce and egg, drizzled with sesame seeds. He then rammed his chopsticks vertically to puncture the bottom and placed it in front of the tablet. It was the Asakuras’ parting gift to him before they left for Japan.

 

Sing was as curious as Ash when they first laid eyes on it. “If you carry that… Ash can rest there?”

 

“It will help him conserve his energy,” Eiji said. “Yoh-san and Anna-san figured the reason why he was such a stuck-up at the wedding was that he was too far away from his grave. Also, it can keep him from running off.”

 

“What about the chopsticks?”

 

“So he can enjoy the food,” Eiji grinned mischievously. Ash was pissed off at this because Eiji decided mackerel was their breakfast for the day. “Thank you for the meal,” he would then say in Japanese.

 

Ash would then look at Eiji as he now ate the beef after he had his fill.

 

“ _It ain’t the same,”_ Ash said glumly as Eiji made sure to stuff himself fully with the meal just to spite the grumpy ghost.

 

Eiji licked his lips. “Yeah. The beef at home tasted better.” They had Shimane wagyu over there, where the meat was fresher and tastier. “It’s still good though.”

 

Ash decided to don his powder blue long sleeves and glasses. He would have fared better if the lamp light truly did reflect the shadows of his pellucid features. “ _Stop making me feel bad, dammit! I said I’ll stay by your side for real now._ ”

 

“I don’t need you spooking the hell out of me when I take a piss,” Eiji rolled his eyes.

 

“ _Hey, I’ve become more discrete.”_

 

“Now that creeps me out more.” Eiji then chomped on the last of his beef. “Wait for me in the sitting room and I’ll be taking out my pen and paper for my finals.” It was easier if he was able to manoeuvre Ash’s goddamn laptop to be honest, but Eiji wasn’t kidding himself and wished Sing could actually see Ash so he’d be the one inputting the exam in his instructor’s place like that time in Malibu.

 

“ _You don’t need one,_ ” Ash called out.

 

“Fine, I’ll just take a bath! No peeking!”

 

Ash was biding his time reading the latest newspaper Eiji hung per page with the clothesline on the ceiling when he returned, wearing monochrome pinstripe pyjamas he bought for cheap in Ross. He was already rubbing sleep from his eyes, a product of the mental and physical strain that he had sustained himself with since moving there. His hands and feet still had those weights on, but he was getting used to them.

 

“Done reading?” Eiji yawned as he sat in the middle.

 

“ _This is my fifth reading, actually_.”

 

“Fuck you, you pretentious piece of shit.”

 

“ _Still maddens me how impeccable your pronunciation is when reciting invectives_ ,” Ash said as he crept beside him, folding his arms.

 

“If that’s your exam I’ll do my best to demean that tiny manhood of yours,” Eiji smiled in kind.

 

“ _No fucking way am I letting you do that though_ ,” Ash waved off. He was getting used to Eiji’s vulgarity. He had to. “ _Alright then, tell me a story_.”

 

Eiji stared, eyes squinting. “Come again?”

 

“ _Tell me a story_ ,” Ash repeated. “ _That’s your final exam. Why the hell are you looking at me like that?_ ”

 

“You really underestimate me that much…”

 

“ _Obviously_ ,” Ash said, making Eiji attempt to sock him in the gut only for him to punch nothing but air. “ _And I want to know how that cuckoo head of yours ticks. You have five minutes._ ”

 

“Wait, I still haven’t-“

 

“ _And your time starts now.”_

 

Eiji cursed because he never liked working like a rice cooker. “Uh- _Fuck you, Ash I can’t think of anything-“_

“ _If you wanna make small talk with my American brothers, you have to at least know how to tell an anecdote. You said you want to be a pro-photographer right? Gotta establish your connections then. And no more Japanese, onii-chan._ ”

 

He really got on his nerves, but the dead guy had a point _. Think, pea-brain, think._ _Shit._ He detested how Ash’s grin got more and more smug by the second.

 

“ _Whatever, here goes-“_ he said in rapid Japanese before remembering the cold winds of fall and the red maple leaves. Of bodies shifting one foot to another. Out of all the things he had to recall, why this one? _Fine._ “I don’t know if my mom burned it after I left in haste, but I had these set of pictures. Of me flying in the sky. It was Ibe-san’s fault.” He’ll apologise to Ibe for sullying him when he calls him again. “I had just lost again that year in Nationals and I had considered quitting.”

 

Ash was still. Eiji couldn’t look at his eyes as he kept narrating. “And then I’ll find out that there was this college guy who wanted to meet me and take my pictures to enter in a competition. I couldn’t believe my ears. He said he watched me on TV, saw how I jumped. I had to make sure I cleaned my ears properly,” he chuckled. The memories kept rushing back like a waterfall of sorts. “It was awkward being the model at first. He tried easing me up, asking me questions about what I see and feel up there. I couldn’t give a proper answer.” Eiji shook his head. “I probably never will.” He bit his lip and ignored the silence. “It wasn’t an easy time for me. My dad was sick. I was starting to have fights with my mom, even called her out for wearing make-up, for crying out loud. Plus I couldn’t see myself having any prospects because I wasn’t growing any taller, so I had to resort to training harder and depending on the gods for luck. But then, Ibe-san came and wanted to see me fly and capture that moment for the world to see.” Eiji rubbed his eyes again. “It made me think ‘Oh, I’m worth something after all’. I can’t thank Ibe-san enough for that.” Eiji then began to wipe his face with his sleeve then. “Sorry, it’s been so long, I forgot-“

 

He felt an unearthly chill then as he saw his vision blurring and yelped in surprise.

 

“ _Sorry I’m cold_ ,” he heard Ash murmur closely. “ _You pass, Eiji._ ”

 

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Eiji said as he returned his impossible embrace. “Thanks, Ash.”

 

He gasped as the invisible force tightened its hold. He returned it clumsily, but his arms kept passing through Ash’s freezing back.

\--

 

If weekdays involved a game of catch between work, school, and home, weekends were the time Eiji will bring Ash to run around the sprawling nature of Central Park, rain, shine, or snow. He’d bring his camera and have Ash pose as they pass through buildings in New York, from the hustle and bustle in Times Square to the artist community in Brooklyn. He figured Ash needed some sun after lounging at home from Monday to Friday. Other times, he’d bring Sing along if he wasn’t spending too much time in Chinatown or at home tinkering with Ash’s computer. There were nights where Eiji will find the boy sleeping on the keyboard and would carry him to bed to make sure his face wouldn’t look waffled the next morning. School was tiring. Add to that his affairs in Chinatown. The only thing Eiji can do is whip up a scrumptious breakfast before he leaves for work.

 

Ash’s cheeks would turn red when Eiji asked him to do the poses he would see in magazines when they paced the park. He’d get mad when Eiji pointed this out, snapping away as Ash attempted to keep his pose at bay. They did not really have any squabbles since the wedding five months’ ago. Probably a nasty comment here and there, but none of them escalated too much. In a sense, things were sailing smoothly. Ash also did not ask further why Eiji decided to say goodbye to Yoh and Anna, not giving them a proper answer to the Shaman King’s offer. He really did not desire to delve over it too much. Instead, he grumbled over the lack of Ash’s presence in the photographs he takes of him within the streets of New York. He told Ash he was wasting a roll of film and he was costing him.

 

“ _You should look for a muse that’s more, uh, alive?”_ Ash would suggest then. Eiji tried though but couldn’t find anyone to replace him. All living things seemed to pale in comparison to Ash. He was a supernova of sorts to their measly candlelit lives. Eiji finds this beautiful and sad.

 

Eiji could not ignore Ash’s gaze that linger far too long whenever he saw figures with lolling mouths on the train, heads against each other’s chests or laps. Or about their walks in Central Park and spotting cardinals, only for Ash to look at the intertwining hands of couples along with sudden pecks on the cheek.

 

“He looks like he’s eating her face,” Eiji will comment.

 

Ash would nod and then say nothing afterwards. But the imprint remains on his expression. This made Eiji frown sometimes.

 

This was more prevalent in dreams, where Ash would enter with him to conquer Eiji’s fears. Whether they be rats, inedible food, or witnessing everyone die all over again, Ash will hold his hand. He was more solid in dreams. Yet Eiji felt nothing when Ash squeezed his palms.

 

Tonight wasn’t one of those nights.

 

Eiji decided to let the blue sky flood their line of vision until both their eyes watered. He was decked in his jersey again, a number behind his back. His hair shorter. Arms and legs more defined. A fibre glass pole in both hands.

 

Ash was still in his usual jeans and white tee.

 

“Let me take those off,” Eiji said.

 

“ _Gross. So ecchi, onii-chan.”_

 

“Shut your vulgar mouth, little boy.”

 

Eiji rolled his eyes as he lifted his right palm an inch above his head. He let it move in a vertical motion across his face, blocking his eyes. When his eyes caught Ash’s dream-figure he was now wearing Eiji’s uniform.

 

Ash was startled as he stared at the skimpiness of his shorts. “ _Uh-_ “

 

“You’ll need a pole,” Eiji said, waving his hands. Sure enough, Ash was now cradling a long stick of fibre-glass. “I’m gonna teach you how to fly.”

 

“ _You’re not fucking serious, are you?”_

 

“This is a dream, isn’t it? We have all the time in the world,” Eiji said.

 

“ _It won’t be the same_ ,” Ash said, still trying to let down his shorts just above his knees to no avail. “ _I mean, this is a dream. I can just make myself float and-_ “

 

“It’s my dream though,” Eiji told him, grinning winningly. “My world, my laws of gravity. Here, you are only a visitor and my most humble servant.”

 

“ _Fuck off_ ,” Ash said as he kept pulling his shorts. “ _Make them longer, goddammit-_ “

 

As much as Eiji wanted to wind him up and make him look like a model for red carpet-long pants and end up squabbling with him again, Eiji took up his pole. “Watch me alright? With that intellect of yours, you’ll only need one take.”

 

“ _Wait Eiji, listen-“_

 

“See ya!” Eiji sang out before quickening his pace and breaking into a full-on run. He felt reborn as his ankles were relieved of that tingling sensation. In dreams, he was at his peak, reality can fuck itself. He imagined crowds, the roars just waking up his blood instead of making him think thrice, as his pole hit the box, bending. God, the sensation of his feet leaving the ground, and just fixating himself at the sky was simply glorious. There was no Ash above as he raised his hands, no worries, no lingering thoughts about love and loss and peace and destruction. There were only blue and wisps of white.

 

Then suddenly he could feel the earth again, or at least the inflated mats. Ash was rooted at his spot, mouth lolling open. Eiji laughed at this.

 

“So how was it?”

 

“ _Show-off_ ,” Ash stuck out his tongue. “ _You can’t possibly think I can do it just by seeing it once-_ “

 

“Of course you can!” Eiji exclaimed. “Just try. I’ll assist you.”

 

“ _Not like I have a choice. I’m stuck here_ ,” Ash said as he staggered when he lifted the pole. “ _Jesus, is this really that heavy?”_

 

“What do you expect? If it isn’t, it can’t support my fat ass.”

 

Ash grinned at this. “ _Got that right, my cute muscle pig._ ”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Eiji helped him lift the pole from behind.

 

“ _Why did you think of doing this pole vaulting thing?”_ Ash said. “ _Is this to prove you’re better than me at something?_ ”

 

“Shut up, I don’t need to,” he retorted. “Be kind to me or else we’re gonna do the same thing over and over.”

 

Ash cursed under his breath. Eiji was enjoying this.

 

“Ok, careful. I want you to take ten steps forward and try to get a sense of distance so you can aim the pole exactly at the box,” Eiji said. “Then you pull on it with all your might, keeping your momentum as you push your body up, Then just let yourself go.”

 

“ _Aren’t you a good teacher onii-chan?_ ”

 

“Fuck off that sarcasm and run, you big chicken,” Eiji insisted. “What are you afraid of?”

 

“ _Making a fool out of myself.”_

 

“It’s not gonna kill you,” he said. “And I don’t expect results the first time.”

 

Ash blew his hair upwards. “ _Don’t laugh alright?_ ”

 

“Of course I will. Now hurry up because I need to reach that quota of seeing you fall on your hiney.”

 

“ _Asshole_ ,” Ash said before taking a deep breath and beginning his steady run. He did manage to aim his pole at the inner edge of the box but couldn’t find himself following through. “ _Shit- I can’t do this-_ “

 

Eiji jogged up to him. “Let’s change the environment then,” he said, snapping his fingers. There was that high brick wall in the alleyway again. Eiji was the one wearing ripped clothes and bruises over his body. Ash held a long metal pipe in hand. “They’re coming.” He snapped his fingers again and there was those loud jeers and chatter just a few meters away. “I can’t jump in my current state. You have to ask for help. Save me.”

 

“ _Such a demanding damsel…_ ” Ash scratched his head. “ _You don’t have to go this far._ ”

 

“It’s not like you have a choice,” Eiji said. He had no time then to think about failure. “Do it then, or you’ll see me get beaten up.”

 

“ _F-Fine, you’re so extreme…”_ he sighed before starting to run. He stopped midway. “ _You didn’t make a box substitute dammit!”_

 

“Well _excuse me_ -“ Eiji then began to dig. Their pursuers were getting louder. He wiped his imaginary sweat and told Ash to jump.

 

Ash did dash forward, having enough foresight to fit the pipe snugly on the reduced ground, but lacked the power to propel his body upwards and barely managed to turn himself upside-down. He crash-landed on the hard earth. Eiji waved his right hand. They were in the field of his old college again, wearing the same matching uniforms.

 

 “ _How the hell did you jump so high with that happening?_ ” Ash sighed as he kept his face planted on the clay.

 

“Because I wanted us to live,” Eiji said, checking his feet again. “Guess that was the first time I understood your thinking. How your world was different from this.”

 

Ash said nothing for a moment. “ _That doesn’t matter now._ ”

 

“Yes, it doesn’t. It’s the same for you though,” Eiji said, handing another pole to Ash. He chose a shorter one. The bar lowered itself a little too. “There are second chances here. And I’ll be with you with every chance you seize.”

 

Ash then rubbed his eyes. “ _Goddammit, Eiji! How the hell am I supposed to practice like this when you keep making me a bumbling mess?_ ”

 

“I have to drill it in that bone head of yours every chance I get,” Eiji huffed. “I promised you forever and I’ll fucking keep it. I’ll make you remember that.”

 

“ _Shit- Stop dropping those words so casually- I’ll end up crying again because of you-_ “

 

\--

 

Eiji no longer dreamed of the dead. Instead, he kept teaching Ash pole-vaulting and woke up on the right side of the bed every morning, no matter how dreary the weather or how big the workload.

 

As payment, Ash would help him understand the things he’d have Eiji read him after school. Or at least tutor Eiji in his homework for the week (Eiji will still end up writing his essays though).

 

“ _Oh the travesty of being a dumb Japanese_ ,” Ash would smirk.

 

“College in America is harder,” Eiji interjected. “How about that jump? You still haven’t cleared ten meters, and it’s been six dreams now.”

 

“ _I’m working on it!_ ”

 

Even Sing was noticing his better mood and would take advantage of it by asking for extra helpings, to Ash’s chagrin. He was still busy reading through the walls of text in Ash’s computer and would complain at Eiji for the complex words.

 

“This is too hard for me to understand!” Sing groaned as he began rocking his chair back and forth. “Gosh, why did he have to be so smart?”

 

“Yeah, Ash why would you have to act like a smartass?” Eiji would take out his dictionary to leaf through the complex words.

 

“ _It’s not my fault that god favoured me above you plebeians_ ,” Ash drawled. “ _Maybe in your next life you can file a request in advance.”_

“What did Ash say?” Sing asked.

 

“He said his morning breath still smells like dogbreath. He ain’t special.”

 

_"Shut the fuck up Eiji!"_

“And his dick is smaller than ours.”

 

_"Just you wait, you son of a bitch-"_

“Eh, there’s something wrong with the computer-“ Sing said, clearly frightened by the Ash’s tantrums. Eiji ignored this.

 

He couldn’t find himself ignoring, however, the days where he’ll be too exhausted after work or school to find himself and Sing with a blanket over their bodies the next morning. The kitchen would be spick and span. His equipment was in the living room tucked in their respective bags.

 

Ash, that needy bastard, would wear a smug smile as Eiji mumbled a thanks.

 

_“I can’t hear you.”_

“How the fuck did you do this?”

 

Ash would fake a deep sigh as he placed his hands behind his head. “ _Training, I guess. Figured since I can make the lights flicker when I’m pissed off, I can do this shit if I try hard enough. I’m like a ghost telepath. Pretty neat, right?”_

Eiji would roll his eyes.

 

_“Figure I’d do something other than mope and haunt the house when you’re out. Saves you a lot of time to sleep too, right?”_

“Hmmph. About time you moved your lazy ass and did something useful.” He would then wake up and fold the sheets before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. He still had to do that around here.

 

“ _Hey, Eiji. Don’t ignore me dammit! What’s that supposed to mean? Hey!_ ”

 

\--

 

Ash finally stopped making mistakes and was able to cross the bar and fall with no problems.  Eiji had lost track of the number of dreams they made just for Ash to reach that point.

 

“Okay,” Eiji said as he snapped his fingers. The bar was now at 17 meters. “We’re gonna cross it together.”

 

“ _What?_ ” Ash looked at him with wild-eyed bewilderment.

 

“Why? You scared?”

 

“ _Like hell I am!_ ” Ash flushed. “ _Is this the final test?_ ”

 

“There will be a prize if we’re successful,” Eiji said, nose in the air.

 

“ _Fine_.”

 

Both of them readied their poles in front. Eiji had not told Ash this, but this was the height where he had his life-changing injury. Maybe god will reconsider in dreams. “I promise you it will be beautiful.”

 

“ _Geez, stop acting like a wannabe poet and let’s run._ ”

 

“You uptight f-“

 

They ran and kept running. Up until their poles hit home, up until they pull their body up and then let go.

 

“Hold my hand, Ash!”

 

“Eiji- what the fuck-“

 

“Do you trust me?” Eiji screamed as the world shifted and they were falling under the mercy of the void, stars now larger than before. They kept their inevitable descent and earth, the planet, is below with its ludicrous seas and patches of continents. Eiji’s outstretched hand kept at it as Ash howled, eyes watering in fright until he stares at Eiji’s own. He splayed out both hands and lashed out to him, grabbing his fingers. Maybe it was the heat of the fall, but Eiji could feel their roughness, their warmth. “Hold on!” Eiji said, laughing now as he snapped forward, taking Ash’s hands and arms and his entire body along for the ride.

 

“ _You have wings! Fucking show-off!_ ” Ash screeched as Eiji lets him go and grabbed hold of his torso. Ash was a fourteen-year-old in his arms. “ _What’s the big idea?_ ”

 

“ _I need you to be shorter than me! You’re still heavy!”_

 

Eiji then swooped down like a bird of prey. They were wasting time. The dream will end.

 

“ _Sh-Shit, slow down!”_

 

“Not until I keep my promise!” Eiji said as they kept their speedy descent. He can finally see the island in sight. He could smell the ocean, the mountains, _home-_

 

“ _Oh-_ “ he could hear teenage Ash blurt out as they saw the looming mountains painted in vermilion and ochre. They passed through the long Kuniga coastline and the fire-torn mountains preserved in fall. Ash kept his mouth open even as they landed, as the leaves swirled in red and yellow, as he looked at the _torii_ and the sight of the massive lake behind him, and the long stretch of ocean beyond the autumn-bitten trees and houses preparing for the festival of the gods.

 

Eiji looked on at the memories he had injected for Ash to immerse himself in.

 

He felt an older Ash squeezing his hand.

 

“You keep your promise,” he said before planting a long kiss on his lips.

\--

 

Eiji was weary of tragedy and deconstruction. Yet they were the ones that made him so fucking alive. Not these moments were he walks in his kimono, Ash by his side as they move past stalls. He let Ash tinker with the gun range. To catch three goldfish for Eiji to free in the pond anyway of a shrine. In this dream, the grand shrine of Izumo wasn’t full of people. They prayed without worries. Got a good fortune for both of them.

 

At least, that was what he thought.

 

Ash let himself be whisked away into a nonstop visit of shrines and temples and beaches and hidden mountain paths. He would lean on Eiji’s brittle shoulders as they look on at the sea of fireworks while night draws to a close.

 

“ _Izumo is beautiful_.”

 

“The magic had worn off a long time ago for me,” Eiji tried to smile. “This is all it will be.”

 

“ _At least it’s free.”_

 

“Eiji Okumura’s Japanese tours are always free.”

 

“ _And despite its beauty, its history, its warmth… you still… god…_ ” Ash laughed mirthlessly. “ _What made you trade all this for New York?”_

 

 _You_ , Eiji wanted to say. But Ash would demand him to explain something that was already so simple. He did not want their talks to be duels, but interplays, swift illuminations of one another under this banner of stars.

 

“It’s the same with what Ibe-san did when he went here to take my picture. I did not see a man beyond salvation, but a man who had something good in him worth saving.” That was it. He swallowed back his emotions. “That’s why I want to rewrite your stars, Ash. I want to be Shaman King.”

 

Instantly, the world was bathed in white once again. There was that menacing god with the face of a fifteen-year-old boy in front of him again. But Eiji was not alone anymore.

 

“That is a yes, then?” he said, eyes alight. “You agree to my terms?”

 

Eiji bit his lip. He gripped Ash’s hand tighter. “Yes, Hao-sama.”

 

“ _Wait- Eiji- who- what_ -” Ash was stunned as he looked at the boy and then at Eiji.

 

Hao did not care to elaborate though and stood up. “Looks like you owe me a free stay in Funbari, Yoh.”

 

The towering figures of Yoh and Anna flanked Hao’s sides. The former began waving at him enthusiastically. “See you, Eiji!”

 

“Ok,” Hao grinned, rubbing his hands. “Show me something extravagant.”

 

\--

 

Eiji will wake up to see Anna and Yoh already on his bedside. Ash’s face was inches above him, making him screech bloody murder as he swatted him away.

 

“I made dumplings!” Sing sang out from the kitchen. “Good morning, Eiji.”

 

“What-“ Eiji would then say. “You came here so fast?”

 

“My brother’s fault,” Yoh laughed. “Wanted us to start as soon as possible. Took you a year to decide.”

 

“Never thought he’d let me have that long a leeway…” Eiji sighed, now speaking in Japanese. “He’s pretty nice.”

 

“That damn god’s just bored,” Anna yawned. “And won’t Ash feel out of place now that we’re speaking like this?”

 

“ _I can understand you perfectly, dammit_ ,” Ash said as he hovered near Eiji. “ _I have a good teacher._ ”

 

“You hypocrite! You said I sucked!”

 

“ _I never said that. Where’s your proof?_ ”

 

“I can’t wait for you to teach me a way to make this fucker experience pain that will last a thousand years…” Eiji said to both of them.

 

“I can teach you one in ten minutes,” Anna said, brandishing her beads. “You’re still wearing your weights on, huh? You’re ready for the next step then.”

 

“Gosh, Anna, it’s 6 in the morning!”

 

“Time waits for no one, Yoh. And give me my dumplings, you brat! I want shrimp!”

 

\--

 

It took another three months of Eiji training every day before and after work and uni. It was a good thing Ash was giving him more time for tutoring. He had shown Yoh and Anna the fruits of his training, but Anna remained unimpressed.

 

“Have you tried synchronising with your shaman?” she barked at him.

 

“ _I dunno what the fuck you’re talking about!”_

“You sure talk big, you measly spirit!” Anna said as she collared his head with her beads throughout the day. “If you can only lift objects within this radius, I’m sorely disappointed. Did you conserve enough energy then? How many objects at maximum can you manipulate?”

 

“ _Uh- I- Jesus, it’s only for domestic work-“_

“If you want to be Eiji’s guardian spirit, you have to work like hell for it. Again, you only died recently. You are still 500 years too early to attain sacred spirit status to compensate for Eiji’s lack of shamanic training. Why don’t you bust your ass out there and check if you have enough spiritual energy in you to accommodate Eiji’s-“

 

Ash would then run off with Anna chasing him from behind.

 

Yoh sighed. “To be honest, my brother gave me such a tall order. We still have six years to prepare, five at most because of the prelims, but it might not be enough to give you a fighting chance. We need to send you to Izumo soon to train. Are you ready for that?”

 

Eiji swallowed. “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there?”

 

Yoh laughed. “Everything will work out in the end. Anyway, I think this will be a difficult pill to swallow for you, but can you tell me your story from how you met Ash to your return in New York? You know, like how heroes in manga do it?”

 

Eiji talked about Ibe’s invite and how he got sucked in the hurricane known as Ash Lynx. He talked about Ash’s vendetta against the Corsican Mafia, specifically their head in Manhattan and his brother’s death. About Banana Fish, about Sing’s predecessor and how Sing became the unwilling boss of Chinatown. He talked about the wounds he sustained during his entire time with Ash, about seeing the many masks he donned just to survive only to die with Eiji’s letter cradling his head.

 

“And you wished you didn’t make him read that letter?” Yoh’s eyes twinkled.

 

“I wish I gave it to him myself,” he smiled bitterly. “Pretty sure Sing’s here because he has his own regrets too. “Ash’s men too. Max-san… all of us are connected to Ash in a way,” he then looked at his teacup. “But it’s all good. Everyone’s trying to move on. I’ve started to accept that there are things that Ash isn’t ready to tell me yet.”

 

Yoh drank his cup. “There’s still that darkness blocking your heart, Ei-kun.”

 

“Eh? What do you mean? I don’t really have any hard feelings towards anyone…” _Except- shit._

 

“There is one, isn’t there?” Now Eiji was starting to understand why Ash found himself uncomfortable with Yoh more than Anna. He was a lot more perceptive than he thought but would rather let them discover their own qualms themselves. “If you do something about it, then maybe you’ll be able to synchronise with Ash. Take your time though. Because once you master the _hyō-gattai,_ the next step will be returning to the home you left behind. It won’t be easy, Ei-kun, but everything will work out.”

 

\--

 

Eiji never thought he’d set foot in this part of Chinatown again. He did not bring Ash’s portable grave with him this time around. One, because he wanted to do this on his own terms. Two, because he can’t have Ash judging him when he buys a lot of sweets to give Bones and the rest during their visits. The third was because he did not want to see the familiar faces except Sing’s of course.

 

Sing looked fairly under the weather when he gave him a tentative wave outside the Lee estate.

 

“Did you take care of the guards?” Eiji asked him.

 

“No funny business,” Sing shrugged as he stuffed his hands on the pockets of his bomber jacket. “Did not think this would happen so soon. Or it’ll happen at all.” He pouted. “That hobo’s really demanding.” He scratched his head. “You don’t have to do this because they demanded you to.”

 

Ash said the same thing. _But they didn’t demand me to,_ Eiji replied. _I’ve thought about this plenty of times now. I don’t want to run away. Look what it brought me: A ghost named Aslan._

“It’s fine,” Eiji smiled wanly. “Thank you, Sing.”

 

He did not know if that was a nod or a scrunch but Sing marched on ahead with Eiji walking just behind him. The guards searched for weapons, for a pen or toothpick. Asked him to strip twice, to Sing’s annoyance. Eiji did not mind. He had the best motive than the rest of the criminal underworld anyway.

 

He did not want Ash to see him pitying this proud and ruffled and miserable thing.

 

“I can’t accompany you inside,” Sing said when they neared the mahogany double doors. “I- uh- I wish you all the luck, Eiji-“

 

Eiji smiled as he wound his hands tightly around this mess of a boy. He had to tiptoe to reach his shoulders now. “Ok. Thanks again.”

 

Sing knocked. “He’s here.”

 

“Open the doors,” he heard the same shrill yet strained voice. Sing obeyed.

 

The long outstretched sofa only enshrined the man in the middle. All the fury and frustration and pity clawed Eiji’s chest just from a single glance at the Lee head.

 

“Leave,” he said at the guards surrounding him inside in a raspier voice than Eiji remembered. It was still Sing he closed the door.

 

Eiji found it difficult to swallow saliva as he looked at Lee Yut Lung. He no longer needed to tie his hair. His sallow skin was more translucent now and it made him more sickly-looking. His mouth quivered before he spoke, “What brings you here, Eiji Okumura?”

 

“You’ve cut your hair.” Eiji’s eyes darkened. “I came to hear you explain yourself.”

 

“And you’ve grown yours. Sing must’ve told you the whole story,” he said, crossing his legs, letting his arms caress the back of his gaudy seat. His sardonic smile seemed sad around the corners of his mouth. It only reminded Eiji of the snakes that would maintain an illusion of threat by raising their hoods. The only thing left was for him to hiss and spit.

 

Oh, if only Yut Lung was as venomous. “I never asked him,” Eiji said as he turned the chair to his direction. “I want to hear it straight from you, Lee Yut Lung.” He made his way to sit at the single chair opposite his. He straightened his body and fixated his eyes. He understood why Sing would still stick with this man despite the shit he had done. “Why did you want to kill me so much?” He paused. “What did I do to make you despise me?”

 

“Why should it matter now?” he scoffed. “It’s over. The endgame had come and went. I have other things to think about aside from your petty grudge-“

 

Baiting him with pretty little words. God, he really can’t bring himself to hate him anymore. “If you do not care, you would have shunned me the minute I told Sing. Instead you prepared for my arrival, even brought that century-old wine from its casket.” He pointed at the damn Bordeaux on the table. “Tell me, because I’m here to listen.”

 

Yut Lung’s eyes were downcast and he tried to look away. “I was a fool, Eiji Okumura.” He uttered his name like a tired curse. “I don’t deserve your pity.”

 

“All of us are fools at least twice in our lives,” Eiji said. “But we don’t let it define us. If you had, you would be dead by now.”

 

It took awhile for Yut Lung to get his bearings. “What happened to the boy who attempted to kill me?”

 

Eiji shook his head. “He died alongside the boy in the library.”

 

That was no poetic bullshit. Still, Yut Lung relented.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Ok,” his voice tasted like seawater. “I won’t forgive you.”

 

“I knew it,” he said before forcing back a bitter laugh.

 

“I won’t forgive you,” Eiji repeated honestly. “Not right now. I dunno. But I hope I do.”

 

His eyes then became cloudy and wet. Sing was right. He really did cry like a girl. Eiji found his lips bending downwards at this.

 

“Sing did tell me that you were a great help in reclaiming his turf in Chinatown,” Eiji said as the Lee head continued to wipe his eyes. “I don’t mind if you talk until morning. I’ll be here to listen.”

 

The dam fully broke.

 

\--

 

Ash was beside himself when Eiji told him everything that afternoon as he cleaned up the mini-studio in the sunroom. Their talk did last until the sun was high up in the sky the following day. Anna was already sleeping. Yoh went on a bar crawl with Alex and the rest up on Rhode Island.

 

“ _You made that son of a bitch cry? You scare me, Eiji,_ ” Ash said in a hushed voice. None of them would dare wake the dragon sleeping upstairs, especially when the tamer was high on booze.

 

Eiji was busy rolling up the last of the paper. “I had been invited to shoot for a magazine next week. It’s for a furniture campaign of sorts.”

 

Ash laughed. “ _Gotta grab all the opportunity you can get_.”

 

“Got that right,” Eiji saluted. “That will be my last gig in awhile though. Have to put all my attention in our shamanic training.”

 

“ _How do you feel after talking to that snake?_ ” Ash laughed. “ _Feel all the spiritual energy flowing out of your body or something?_ ”

 

“We can try,” Eiji inhaled. “Ready?”

 

“ _Wait- Are you sure we can-_ “

 

“Nope,” Eiji shook his head. “But we don’t know until we try. Do you trust me?”

 

“ _You don’t need to ask._ ”

 

“Ok,” Eiji closed his eyes as he let his right hand twirl. “ _Hyō-gattai_ ,” he said, just as Ash’s spirit began to burn, every drop of his spirit ebbing and flowing into a flame that was neither red nor orange in his hand. He could see his green eyes blinking rapidly into his palm.

 

“ _Is that it?_ ”

 

His eyes crinkled. “Nope. One more thing.” Despite the violent colour in his hands, he found himself calming down as he mustered a quick smile at the ball of Ash. He then began pushing this ball inside of him, letting every part of the ghost invade every possible nook and cranny of his body, awakening his blood, burning his stomach, his lungs, his chest…

 

“Shit-“ Was that his voice? “Holy shit, Eiji…”

 

_Shut your mouth! We can’t have Anna-san waking up!_

“Right… Holy shit… I can feel my legs. I can feel them… Actually, these are your legs... Your hands… Your dick, fuck it really is big-“

 

_Don’t violate me goddammit!_

“I can hear you inside me. Jesus, Eiji. Jesus fucking Christ-“

 

He could then hear a crashing sound.

 

“God, you can’t see you son of a bitch!”

 

_If Anna-san wakes up, I’ll fucking kill you again-_

“Just a sec, where did you put it again-“

 

A rummaging sound and then-

 

Blinking. He could feel his eyes blinking. It was like seeing through a computer. There was the tiny ladder Ash tripped in. He could then find himself being walked into the powder room, into a mirror.

 

There was his face. Gaunt with dark circles and hungrily staring back. He was wearing glasses. Ash’s.

 

His mouth then started to move. “You’re beautiful, Eiji.”

 

He could feel his chest deflating a little.

 

_Liar._

“It’s true. My glasses suit you.”

 

 _Let’s not kid ourselves._ He looked hollow and tired and loose-limbed. He understood Yoh and Anna’s concerns after seeing his body for what it truly was. He needed to train more. Build muscle. Build his confidence. 

 

“Is there still salad on the fridge?”

 

_Uhuh._

“Let’s eat then,” Ash said. “Maybe a fuller stomach will make you reconsider.”

 

Ash bid his time walking. He let every whorl in the soles of his feet feel the carpet and the tiles as he made his way to the kitchen. Eiji did not know for how long his _hyō-gattai_ would last, but he did not find his mouth opening to break the spell.

 

“I forgot how to chew,” Ash said after taking a bite of the greens straight from the bowl. “It’s good.”

 

_That’s nice to know._

“Eiji?”

 

_Yes?_

“It’s good.”

 

He couldn’t find any voice as his eyes started to mist while Ash continued to chew and masticate the shrimp and greens in his mouth. “It’s good,” he repeated again and again until Eiji woke up from the spell and felt Ash’s tears running down his cheeks.

 

**Author's Note:**

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